Teacher: Ben, you got a six out of ten. That’s not great.
Ben: Mr. L*, I’m gonna tell you my life motto. It is, ‘If you push me over the edge, I will grab you by the neck and pull you down with me… And then push you into Hell.’
–Bronx Science
Teacher: Ben, you got a six out of ten. That’s not great.
Ben: Mr. L*, I’m gonna tell you my life motto. It is, ‘If you push me over the edge, I will grab you by the neck and pull you down with me… And then push you into Hell.’
–Bronx Science
Guy #1: Dude, you won’t believe this — I walked by the printer at work today, and sitting there was a one-page list of every employee’s salary.
Guy #2: Really? Did you see how much Chuck makes?
Guy #1: No! I didn’t look — you can’t look! It’s like looking into the sun, or like looking at your mom naked: you want to do it, but you know it’s wrong.
Guy #2, disgusted: … You didn’t just say that, right?
–Union Square
Black guy: What the fuck is wrong with you? How are you not gonna like pussy?
Friend, with cornrows: ‘Cause, fool! There’s only one thing better, and that’s money.
Black guy, concurring: The only thing.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Sleepy Monkey
Professor: What have I told you about fairness?
Student: That we should forget about it.
Professor: Yes!
–NYU Law School
First year law student: Don’t you think Disney World is romantic?
Second year law student: Anything can be romantic.
First year law student: Yes, anything can be romantic… if you’re on the right drugs.
–Cardozo Law School
Overheard by: Ronaldo
Little boy #1: So, yeah — the human race is pretty much the root of all evil.
Little boy #2: But you’re a human. It’s like you’re insulting yourself.
Little boy #1: Nuh-uh. I’m an android, remember?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toastuh
Little old Jewish lady #1: So that Moses — who was his mother? Why’d they put him in that basket, anyway?
Little old Jewish lady #2: I think it was because they were going to kill him… Something like that.
Little old Jewish lady #1: It’s so sad when loving families break up like that. They should’ve given him to a cousin.
–Chinese restaurant, 16th & 3rd
Overheard by: ysabet
10-year-old boy tourist: When are we going to eat?!
Teen brother: Shut up!
10-year-old boy tourist: I don’t have to shut up! I’m in New York!
–57th & 6th
Overheard by: Rick
Girl: So, whatever happened to Joe*? I heard he was engaged to some girl. I thought he was gay…
Guy: I don’t care what he says he is — once you lose your butt virginity, you’re gay for life.
–Manhattan-bound N train
Guy: I always run into you here! It’s like our little date time.
Chick: We’re not dating… but sure.
Guy: I know. I was trying to be cute, dammit!
Chick, laughing: I know… And you do a good job of it, but I still hate you.
Guy: I know, but it’s the kind of hate that can make this friendship work. [Long pause, then] God, that’s really fucked up.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
