Wednesday One-Liners Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.

–Brooklyn

Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowling Green Station

Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!

–Outside Starbucks

Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert G.

Posted on October 21, 2022
Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Conductors, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Drunks, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Masturbation, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Pope, Porn, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Still Remember When You Could One-Liner in Bars

Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?

–Prince St

Overheard by: Kristen W.

Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.

–British Airways Flight to Heathrow

Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.

–4 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Christine

Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.

–Intermission, Rent

Posted on October 18, 2022
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Flight Attendants, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Men, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, Panhandling, Prostitution, Public Transportation, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Your Editors Are Avoiding the Heliport

Conductor on PA: 34th Street next, stand clear of the closing doors.
Hobo, to self: 34th? You could get killed!

–A Train

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on October 5, 2022
Conductors, Directions, Hobos, Murder, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation

Almost As Sick As Your Power Dynamic?

Harassed mother to four-year-old: Max, can we pleeaase just take a cab, it's too cold to wait for a bus!
Four-year-old: No! Cabs make me feel sick!

–Union Square

Overheard by: cherrypips

Posted on August 26, 2022
Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Union Square and East Village

I Use Them to Fend Off the Unwanted Attentions of Strangers

Man reading book: Oh, what stop is this?
Man exiting train: 96th Street. By the way, you really do have the most beautiful hands and fingers I’ve ever seen.
Man reading book: Oh, thanks.

–96th St station

Posted on July 30, 2022
Body Parts, Compliments, Men, NYC Geography, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Talking/Convos

God, I Love New York

Elevator operator: What floor, please?
Old lady: Home, James.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Posted on July 22, 2022
Clerks, Directions, Home, Sweet Home, Old People, Public Transportation, Questions, The Met, Women

Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family

Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t-shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.

–Columbia University

Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!

–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza

Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bih.

Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!

–10th & Ave B

Overheard by: Kayla K

Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Geologist

Posted on July 22, 2022
Body Parts, Clothing, Colors, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Menstruation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Street, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Sweat, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

It’s Funny, Though — She Never Calls

Bimbette: Yeah, me and Beyoncé is friends on MySpace. She invites me to all the hot events, like her concerts and parties. She even bulletins me.
Boyfriend: For real?
Bimbette: Yeah, we’s like best friends.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Is not friends with Beyonce :(

Posted on June 10, 2022
About Celebrities, Bimbettes, Couples, Friendship, Idiots, Liars, Lies, Music, On the Bus, Public Transportation

Other Cities Just Say They’re the Greatest in the World

Frat tourist guy: Hey! I just hailed a New York City cab!
New Yorker, jumping into cab: I just stole your cab!

–Bleecker & Hudson

Overheard by: sean

Posted on June 6, 2022
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Frat Boys, Happiness, Only in New York, Public Transportation, The Village, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners–Easy As 1, 2, 3

Conductor: This is 72nd St. Stand clear of the closing doors. B train. B for "brighten up your day" train. (at the next stop) Folks, this is 59th Street, and just like magic we are now an express train. B express train. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–B Train

Overheard by: ryder

Train conductor: You can transfer to the M as in "money," the N as in "Nick," and the R as in "Romeoooooo!"

–D Train

Guy on cell, giving directions: So you take the D line… No, D as in "David." D! D! A, b, c, d! (pause) No, D. Okay…then you walk down to Hoffman Street… Hoffman Street, as in "Dustin Hoffman." He's that actor, with a big nose, that you really like, the one that's in that movie about your life…yeah…yeah! He's a cross-dresser! Tootsie! That's you, bro!

–Arthur Ave

Overheard by: eternal student

Creepy old man to creepy friend: We should be on the V. V for "vagina". We're on the F. F for "fuck."

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: CL

Conductor: There is no C train like "Charlie" all weekend. The D train like "Dick" is helping us out. I probably shouldn't have said that. It's okay, you'll overlook that when I tell you that this A train will keep its express status.

–A Train

Overheard by: Nay

Posted on May 16, 2022
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Creepsters, Directions, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Magic, Money & Class, Movies, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Public Transportation, Sex, The Bronx, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Public Transportation