Ghetto queer, about passerby: Damn, girl, you see that skinny bitch’s shirt?
Friend: No…
Ghetto queer: It said, ‘I always get what I want.’ Yeah right, nigga. That’s some bullshit if I ever heard it. If you always got what you wanted, you wouldn’t be dressing in ghetto-ass t-shirts from the Dollar Store and walking around this neighborhood. You’d be dressin’ all Gucci and shit and livin’ on Park Avenue.
–147th & Broadway
Queer #1: I wish Dennis would call me back… I really liked him, and I thought he liked me, too.
Queer #2: Of course he’s not going to call you! You met when you were in bed with him and his best friend!
–Central Park
Queer #1: I kind of like Barack Obama. He’s cute.
Queer #2: If I didn’t have a husband, I would be so far up Barack Obama’s ass that if anyone pulled me out they would become King of England.
–115th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Nathan
Queer #1: He totally called me gay.
Queer #2: You sleep with men.
Queer #1: I don’t sleep with men. I sleep with babies.
–23rd & 6th
Frat boys in truck: Wooo! Where the ladies at?!
Queer couple, walking arm-in-arm: Right heeere!
–East Village
Overheard by: afro*T*siac
Queer: There are a lot of young kids out there learning how to spell ‘glamorous,’ and that makes me real happy.
–Canal Jeans Co
Queer to tourist: You’re from Minnesota? My ex’s father was a senator from Minnesota. I went there once to meet him… I forget his name, but what we did was very taboo.
–Prince St
Queer to another: Don’t nudge me, you lesbian.
–Line for he Cyclone, Coney Island
Queer to boyfriend: You remind me of this autistic kid I worked with once.
–Park Ave
Overheard by: Katey
Queer on cell, perusing baked goods: I want a muffin. Do you want a muffin? This whole courtroom wants a muffin!
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: admittedly amused
Queer #1: He’s been with his boyfriend for seven weeks and they’re moving in together.
Queer #2: Really?
Queer #1: Yeah, and they’re even going to gay week at Disneyworld! I’m so jealous.
Queer #2: What’s gay week?
Queer #1: It’s this week where gays from all over the world go to Disneyworld to go on roller coasters and fuck.
–N train
Overheard by: G-dogg
Queer #1: You know the guy I mean? The one with the hairy boyfriend and those two big stupid dogs?
Queer #2: Honey, that could be anyone we know.
–23rd & 7th
Overheard by: Manhattman
Black queer on stretcher: Careful with me, darlings, I has a light bulb up my ass!
Bystander in ER: I hope it’s one of those energy-saving, compact, fluorescent light bulbs.
–Beekman Downtown Hospital
Overheard by: Big Larry
Fat, old, queer biker: Can you make a gin fizz?
Bartender: What is this, prom night?
–Cafe Loup, 13th & 6th
Overheard by: JoeQ
