Queer #1: Do you love me?
Queer #2, holding his hand: No.
Queer #1: Then why are you holding my hand?
Queer #2: ‘Cause that’s what we’re supposed to do in public!
–The Village
Queer #1: Do you love me?
Queer #2, holding his hand: No.
Queer #1: Then why are you holding my hand?
Queer #2: ‘Cause that’s what we’re supposed to do in public!
–The Village
Queer #1: Christians are the most vile creatures on this planet.
Queer #2: Shhh… They’ll hear you!
–13th St, between Greenwich & 7th Ave
Queer dance instructor: Okay, girls, now here’s a little move I learned in my home town back in West Virginia… [Girls look hesitant.] God, why does everybody look so scared when I mention West Virginia? It’s not a scary place, I swear!
–American Dance and Drama Studio, Union Tpke
Overheard by: Lindsay
Queer #1: Oooh, honey, you have an eyelash on you. Here, let me get it for you. Okay, now blow on it. [Queer #2 blows.] Come on, now, I’ve seen you blow harder than that. Hehehe. [Blows again.] There you go, honey. So, what did you wish for? You can tell me. I wanna know!
Queer #2: No, I can’t tell you. It’s a secret. It’s a deep, dark secret and I won’t tell you. Ever.
Queer #1: Well, I’ll tell you what I would wish for. A unicorn horn. And you know where I’d put it. Yeah, down there.
Queer #2: Oh, man, that’s an accident waiting to happen. And then a trip to the hospital.
–F train, W 4th St
Queer #1: Is your friend coming this weekend?
Queer #2: Which one?
Queer #1: The ugly one. [Queer #2 stares, offended.] I’m sorry, but he is butt-ugly.
–Bronx-bound A train
Asian queer, looking over his shoulder: I think I jerked him off.
Italian queer: Who?
Asian queer: That guy in the green shirt… It’s pretty bad when you can’t keep track of all the people you’ve jerked off.
–Union Square
Fag hag: So, how’s your hot cousin?
Queer: He’s dating this girl now… She’s cute, tall… Looks like Katie Holmes — has the same look on her face.
Fag hag: What look is that?
Queer: You know — sad.
–Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Crazy Legs Freddy
Chick: Well, I don’t need to worry as much about lube because I make my own.
Queer: And we went there… We went from being drunk in church to wet vaginas in two foul seconds.
–Canal St station
Overheard by: passerby
Thug, screaming: Get that shit off me, yo! Get that shit off me!
Queer holding potted plant: Relax, it can’t hurt you.
Thug: Get that Jurassic Park shit away from me! That shit suck yo’ finger off — I seen it!
Queer, offended: It’s not a Venus fly trap, it’s celery.
Thug: Suck yo’ finger right off…!
–L train
Overheard by: LJ
Queer #1: In Japan they have all these boy bands, and they all come out of this, like, big boy band academy. It’s like a school.
Queer #2: God. Wouldn’t it be great if they gave tours?
Queer #1: We could Google it.
–R train
