English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Worker: So, where are you from?
Asian guy: Ummm, Fresh Meadows, Queens.
Worker: No, really, where are you from? Like, overseas?
Asian guy: Taiwan.
Worker: Oh. How do you say ‘Hi’?
Asian guy: Ni hao.
Worker: That’s like the same as Chinese right?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Worker: Is it because the countries are really close?
–OMG store, Soho
Overheard by: Larry Liou
TSA officer: You will be going through a metal detector. The key words here are ‘metal’ and ‘detector.’ Now, let’s play a game called ‘What Is My Metal Belt Buckle Made Of?’ What is my belt buckle made of?
Male on line: Metal?!
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Philly Blunt
Guy #1: So, what year did you graduate from school?
Guy #2: Harvard.
–Snooty party, Bronx
Overheard by: Ladle
Hetero dude: … So it was just like the movie Smoking Aces, except it was your penis?
Queer: Exactly!
–Peculier Pub
Black guy: What the fuck is wrong with you? How are you not gonna like pussy?
Friend, with cornrows: ‘Cause, fool! There’s only one thing better, and that’s money.
Black guy, concurring: The only thing.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Sleepy Monkey
Girl: What’s the deal with New York’s bagels, anyway? I mean, they’re delicious! What do you think New Yorkers do differently to their bagels that makes them so… Oh, look at you! You’re too drunk to keep up with me because I’m speaking so rapidly.
Drunk guy: I’m listening to your rabbits!
–NYU
Overheard by: Evan Regas
JAP halting mid-stride: Wait a sec… Why are my pants wet?!
–82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: my boyfriend is a grizzly bear
Headline by: John
Runners-Up:
· “And Who Dropped That Baby?” – trade800
· “Bob the Urinating Hobo Ninja Strikes Again” – Darryl S.
· “Did A Bag Of Money Just Walk By?” – Jolly
· “The Joys Of Unknown Pregnancy Coming Full Term” – The Lazy Canadian
· “This Eventually Happens to Every New Yorker” – Dagre
· “Was Too Busy Shopping to Be Toilet Trained” – G
Fortune teller: Excuse me, miss, where did you get your dress?
Pretty brunette: Don’t you know?
–Mulberry & Canal
Old man, with wife: How much is it to Elmont Cemetery?
Car service dispatcher: Will that be one way, or round-trip?
–E 19th St & Ave U, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Arthur
