While I Listen to Beethoven’s Fifth

Punk chick: So, what do you masturbate to?
Punk singer: What do you mean, what do I masturbate to?
Punk chick: Like, what do you look at?
Punk singer: I guess I look at my dick.

–CBGB

Overheard by: Jimmy Guthrie

Posted on January 25, 2008
CBGB, Masturbation, Punks, Questions

If You Want to Get Thrown to the Rats

Child: Mommy, look! Do you see that rat?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy, look! Do you see that piece of paper?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy! Can I bite you?!
Mother: Yes.

–PATH

Posted on January 21, 2008
Kids, Moms, Questions, Trains Not Subway

To Be Fair, No One Knows Why Bob Saget Has a Career

Little Asian girl: But why?
Mom: I don’t know, honey.
Little Asian girl: But why?
Mom: I just said that I don’t know!
Little Asian girl: But why don’t you know, Mommy?
Mom: Because Mommy’s stupid.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Miranda

Posted on January 15, 2008
Central Park, Kids, Moms, Questions

With My Ear

Chick #1: Where’s your tooth?
Chick #2: In my shoe.

–18th & 4th

Posted on January 14, 2008
Body Parts, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

I Need to Know What to Say in the Emergency Room

Stoner #1: Why am I so high?
Barista: Because you snorted cheese?
Stoner #2: Was it Parmesan or cheddar?

–Tully’s

Posted on January 11, 2008
Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stoners

Save That for Your Term Papers

English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on January 7, 2008
Body Parts, Questions, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

So Close I Got Squeezed out and Ended up Here

Worker: So, where are you from?
Asian guy: Ummm, Fresh Meadows, Queens.
Worker: No, really, where are you from? Like, overseas?
Asian guy: Taiwan.
Worker: Oh. How do you say ‘Hi’?
Asian guy: Ni hao.
Worker: That’s like the same as Chinese right?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Worker: Is it because the countries are really close?

–OMG store, Soho

Overheard by: Larry Liou

Posted on January 6, 2008
Asians, Questions, Soho, Stupidity

Correct — the Man Wins a Free Cavity Search!

TSA officer: You will be going through a metal detector. The key words here are ‘metal’ and ‘detector.’ Now, let’s play a game called ‘What Is My Metal Belt Buckle Made Of?’ What is my belt buckle made of?
Male on line: Metal?!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Philly Blunt