Questions

Black guy: Yo, I can’t believe I turn 30 tomorrow.
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
Black guy: Like, I’ve got a family and a career! What the fuck is that all about?! What happened to my wrestling dream?!
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.

–J Train

Man with clipboard: Do you want to change the Constitution?
Lady passerby: No.
Man with clipboard: I’ll take that as a ‘yes’!

–57th & 7th

Overheard by: Charlie

Dude: Is there a frog in here?
Chick: Sorry, I tooted.

–A train

Overheard by: nicole

Lady facing sign reading “Security”: Excuse me — where can I find security?!
Hapless intern: Um…

–New York‐Presbyterian Hospital

Overheard by: i hate hospitals

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Scruffy guy: Do cockroaches need oxygen?
Chick: Um… what?
Scruffy guy: Do cockroaches need oxygen?
Chick: I have no idea.
Scruffy guy: Cause I was thinking, if they do, maybe that’s why we never see them in this elevator, where there is no oxygen.

–W 151st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Swimfan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center

Overheard by: Natalie

Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.

–Museum of Art and Design

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.

–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator

Overheard by: Martin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.

–N 4th & Bedford Ave

Woman #1: I am coming perilously close to dehydration.
Woman #2: Okay. Let’s go to Duane Reade.
Woman #1: Okay, but can you buy me a bottle of water? I have no money.
Woman #2: You’re walking around with no money? What are going to do if you get robbed?
Woman #1: Give them my credit cards – everyone takes credit.

–Union Square Park

Girl: I thought it was gonna be like a tiny thing!
Guy, freaking out: Why do you have a huge ass turtle?!

–Canal & Mott

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said “Come on, Mr California!” and I was like: “Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!”

–G Train

Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame

Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.

–Tram to Roosevelt Island

Eight‐year‐old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!

–38th & 2nd Ave

Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton‐John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.

–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.

Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.

–43rd St between Madison & 5th

Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.

–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch

Overheard by: Jason