Girl: I can’t believe you just made me jaywalk!
Guy: Where the hell are you from?
–4th & Broadway
Girl: I can’t believe you just made me jaywalk!
Guy: Where the hell are you from?
–4th & Broadway
Girl #1: So this guy built this house, but only had 9 out of 10 permits, so he couldn’t live in it.
Girl #2: 9 out of 10 ain’t bad though.
Girl #3: Yeah. Isn’t that, like, 90% or something?
–LaGuardia & Houston
Man: So you went to the Champs Elysee in Paris?
Woman: Yeah, it was cool. Kinda like Madison Avenue, just smaller…
–Frank, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Englishman in NY
Girl: Mom, how long do you think the turtle will live?
Mother: What do I look like, a fucking turtle connoisseur?
–Canal & West Broadway
Overheard by: David Kopach
Dude: Does the Parks Commission feed squirrels and pigeons?
Parks guy: No.
Dude: Why not?
Parks guy: Listen, I saw a pigeon drinking a Heineken the other day. I got no respect for pigeons.
–Madison Square Park
Driver: Hey man, are you a cab driver?
Cabbie: No, I’m a taxi driver.
–Cab, Astoria
Girl #1: …so we are at this audition and they ask us to step out and say what we like to do in our spare time. So this guy steps out and says “discussing philosophy”. I mean, how pretentious can you get?
Girl #2: Well, what did you expect him to say? “Getting my dick sucked by total strangers”?
–68th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Girl: Did you really fuck that other girl?
Guy: No, not really. She fucked me.
Girl: Oh okay. You’re really an asshole, you know that?
Guy: Sure.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Robert
Girl: So he comes in with this necklace that says, “I’m an asshole”. And I’m, like, how are you? And he says, “I’m an asshole.”
–15th & 8th
Overheard by: boswell
Guy: Wait. You lived 20 minutes from the Amish all the time…like they were there all the time?
Girl: Yeah. What do you mean?
Guy: I dunno. I thought they were out following the buffalo or something.
–Washington Square Diner, W. 4th Street
Dude: Hey, do you feed the polar bears?
Zoo guy: Uh, no.
Dude: Is it true that a polar bear can eat a frozen turkey in one bite?
Zoo guy: Uh, sure.
–outside Central Park Zoo
