Hobo: Help me! I have 9 starving kids at home!
Suit: Yesterday you had 12 starving kids, what happened?
Hobo: That’s right and the 2 of them died in a horrible fire yesterday! Please help me!
Suit: What happened to the 12th?
Hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, you’re fucking up my rap!
–57th Street station
A Kosher Deli has a neon sign in the shape of a sky-line.
Guy: What’s with all the phalluses?
Girl: That’s Jeruselum. They’re church towers or something.
Guy: Oh…is “phalluses” the right way to make that plural?
–Broadway & 32nd
Charity mugger: Do you have a minute for the environment?
Guy: What?
Charity mugger: Do you have a minute for the environment?
Guy: What?
Charity mugger: We’re working to reduce mercury pollution.
Guy: Sorry, I don’t like planet Earth english.
–Broadway between Canal & Howard
Boy: Does crop dusting exist?
Stewardess: Sure does.
Boy: If it happened to me, I’d have to stop them and say, “Stop crop dusting, farty.”
–Chango, Park Avenue South
Tourist guy: Excuse me! Are you a New Yorker?
Woman: No!
–34th & 7th
Man: Do you want to go into any of these shops?
Woman: Um…
Man: Oh, that’s a yes. Whenever a woman responds with anything other than an emphatic “no”, it means yes.
–78th & Madison
Teenage girl #1: My dad is so weird. He like, listens to albums where people wear blackface.
Teenage girl #2: Is he, like, a Nazi?
Teenage girl #1: No, he grew up in the South.
–Ceci-Cela, Chambers Street
Overheard by: Jon Edelman
Yankee fan: Hey, go back to Boston buddy!
Red Sox fan: You know you love Boston.
Yankee fan: Well, that doesn’t make any fucking sense, now does it?
–Yankee Stadium
Girl #1: You are way more charitable than I am.
Girl #2: Are you saying that only Catholics are charitable?
Girl #1: What?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Karla
In a crowded bathroom, a drunk guy at the short urinal calls over to his friend about six urinals down.
Guy #1: Hey, man! Why is mine so small? Is yours this small?
Guy #2: What?
–Penn Station men’s room
Girl #1: Is it hot in here or are my eyes just burning?
Girl #2: What?
–M66 bus
Overheard by: Gabriella
Butcher: Would you like anything else today?
Lady: Not that I can think of. As a matter of fact I haven’t really been able to think of much all day. Must be all the vicodin….So how do I prepare this?
Butcher: It’s lunchmeat. You just eat it.
–Greenpoint market
Tour guide: Now what does it look like to you? Does it look very European, very Greek?
Woman: It looks like a poo.
–Aztec exhibit, Guggenheim Museum
