Dude #1 on cell: I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I love you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It will never happen again. What else can I say? [Hags up.]Dude #2: Damage control?
Dude #1: Damage control.
–Waiting for elevator, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: TrenchCoat
Bimbette #1: I was nervous for the two of them to meet.
Bimbette #2: Your dad’s kind of hard…
Bimbette #1: But they got along well! They have a lot in common.
Bimbette #2: Yeah.
Bimbette #1: I mean, they both have children, and they’ve both been in prison.
Bimbette #2: See that?!
–155th & Broadway
Boyfriend, looking at body pillow: Aw, man! I should totally get this!
Girlfriend: Why would you get that? We’re moving in together in like a year. We’ll be sharing a bed with each other.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but I can do things to this pillow that I can’t do to you!
–Target, Queens Center Mall
Girl #1: I see them. They’re waiting for us. Do you think they can see us?
Girl #2: Oh, no, he’s calling me! What do I do? I’m not answering. Let’s just wait for them to leave.
Girl #3: Didn’t he say there was going to be a group of them? There’s only three.
Girl #2: I know! And his friend isn’t even there. He said he was coming. He said he was going to give my number to his friend, too. He totally scumbagged him! We’re not going over there.
Girl #1: At least we are warm.
Girl #2: They’re wearing khakis. This guy is so sneaky.
Girl #3: They’re coming this way!
Girl #1: They’re coming in!
Girl #2: Oh, shit! What do I do?! This guy is such a loser. I know it’s mean, but what he’s doing is f’ed up. His friend was standing there when I gave my number. He was really cute and funny. [Ducks as guys enter.]Girl #1, whispering: They’re headed over here.
Girl #2: Hey! How are you? We were just on our way over!
Creepy guy: Hey, thought you weren’t coming. It’s hug time! Get over here!
–Starbucks, Astor Pl
Overheard by: L.C.
Teen girl #1: See, this is why we can’t be friends.
Teen girl #2: What? We can’t be friends because I won’t join you in an orgy.
Teen girl #1: Yes, exactly.
–74th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dani
Guy #1: Man, I don’t know what to do! I can’t get rid of my crazy ex! We’ve been broken up for almost a year now and I told her, ‘I don’t want to see you or speak to you any more,’ and she said, ‘I’m going to make your life miserable.’ Then she had the audacity to send my current girlfriend a message on Facebook saying, ‘We need to talk’ and asked my current girlfriend to call her. Then, a few weeks later, she shows up at my office. And just this week she send me a text saying, ‘I know we’re not speaking, but do you want to come out to dinner with me and meet my mom?’ What do I do?!
Guy #2: Oh my god, restraining order?!
Guy #1: And the sad part is that she has a dating column!
Guy #2: You mean she is giving other people dating advice?
Guy #1: Yup.
–Union Square
Five-year-old girl #1 on seesaw: Did you know that I have a boyfriend?
Five-year-old girl #2 on seesaw: No.
Five-year-old girl #1 on seesaw: Yes, I do. I have a boyfriend. He even kissed me on the lips, so he’s my boyfriend.
–Playground, Bleecker St
Dude: Are you sure this new guy you are seeing is the one?
Drunk girl: Definitely. I mean, we have been together since September, and I haven’t slept with another guy yet — that is huge for me! I already hooked up with all the bartenders, all the chefs, and all the sous chefs at my job.
–Yama, 17th & Irving Pl
Overheard by: kreeeeeeeeeesta
Girl: Don’t you feel bad?
Guy: About what?
Girl: For one, you’re in your girlfriend’s jeans, her jacket, her flats, and her fucking pearls. And second…
Guy: And second what?
Girl: You got fucked by three different guys in the two days she’s been out of town.
Guy: If I suck so much, why the fuck are we friends?
Girl: ‘Cause when she is out of town, I have my own little gay Barbie doll and fashion expert all in one. And it’s your turn to buy the manicures.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Julie
Fat lady #1: I don’t know… I ain’t into all that freaky shit.
Fat lady #2: You just need to tell him you can’t be his nasty bitch no more.
Fat lady #1: I know that’s right, girl.
–6 train platform
Overheard by: Peter
