Guy: Do you think it’s… bad… that I think I’m going out… with him?
Gal friends, unconvincingly: No, no…
–H&M, Chelsea
Guy: Do you think it’s… bad… that I think I’m going out… with him?
Gal friends, unconvincingly: No, no…
–H&M, Chelsea
Dude #1: Well, listen, dude — there are many correct decisions you can make.
Dude #2: Yeah, but I want to make the right one!
Dude #1: I know. I mean, there are two issues. There’s the cheating thing, which could, you know, really make her lose it, and there’s breaking up with her when you go to Chile.
Dude #2: Yeah, at this point I feel like it’s right to not tell her about the cheating. I mean, I’m a selfish person, and she knew that when we started dating.
Dude #1: Yeah, I mean, you are looking to emanate as much guilt as possible, and if you keep that to yourself, you don’t have to worry about it.
Dude #2: Listen, I’m trying to emanate as much guilt as I can, but it’s still tough. I just feel like she is so into me, and I mean, I think she’s attractive, but on the other hand, I have dated more attractive girls.
Dude #1: Listen, man, you have to take care of yourself. That’s always the right decision.
Dude #2: Well, I really worry about the cheating thing getting back to her.
Dude #1: Listen, dude, in the age of Facebook, nothing is private.
Dude #2, resigned: Totally.
–7th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Man: The last time I saw you it was cold, and now it’s warm.
Woman: I know.
Man: I just don’t know when to call you. I’m afraid that if I call you and you pick up when your husband is there, then we won’t be able to talk.
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Appaled
Dude #1 on cell: I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I love you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It will never happen again. What else can I say? [Hags up.]Dude #2: Damage control?
Dude #1: Damage control.
–Waiting for elevator, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: TrenchCoat
Bimbette #1: I was nervous for the two of them to meet.
Bimbette #2: Your dad’s kind of hard…
Bimbette #1: But they got along well! They have a lot in common.
Bimbette #2: Yeah.
Bimbette #1: I mean, they both have children, and they’ve both been in prison.
Bimbette #2: See that?!
–155th & Broadway
Boyfriend, looking at body pillow: Aw, man! I should totally get this!
Girlfriend: Why would you get that? We’re moving in together in like a year. We’ll be sharing a bed with each other.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but I can do things to this pillow that I can’t do to you!
–Target, Queens Center Mall
Girl #1: I see them. They’re waiting for us. Do you think they can see us?
Girl #2: Oh, no, he’s calling me! What do I do? I’m not answering. Let’s just wait for them to leave.
Girl #3: Didn’t he say there was going to be a group of them? There’s only three.
Girl #2: I know! And his friend isn’t even there. He said he was coming. He said he was going to give my number to his friend, too. He totally scumbagged him! We’re not going over there.
Girl #1: At least we are warm.
Girl #2: They’re wearing khakis. This guy is so sneaky.
Girl #3: They’re coming this way!
Girl #1: They’re coming in!
Girl #2: Oh, shit! What do I do?! This guy is such a loser. I know it’s mean, but what he’s doing is f’ed up. His friend was standing there when I gave my number. He was really cute and funny. [Ducks as guys enter.]Girl #1, whispering: They’re headed over here.
Girl #2: Hey! How are you? We were just on our way over!
Creepy guy: Hey, thought you weren’t coming. It’s hug time! Get over here!
–Starbucks, Astor Pl
Overheard by: L.C.
Teen girl #1: See, this is why we can’t be friends.
Teen girl #2: What? We can’t be friends because I won’t join you in an orgy.
Teen girl #1: Yes, exactly.
–74th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dani
Guy #1: Man, I don’t know what to do! I can’t get rid of my crazy ex! We’ve been broken up for almost a year now and I told her, ‘I don’t want to see you or speak to you any more,’ and she said, ‘I’m going to make your life miserable.’ Then she had the audacity to send my current girlfriend a message on Facebook saying, ‘We need to talk’ and asked my current girlfriend to call her. Then, a few weeks later, she shows up at my office. And just this week she send me a text saying, ‘I know we’re not speaking, but do you want to come out to dinner with me and meet my mom?’ What do I do?!
Guy #2: Oh my god, restraining order?!
Guy #1: And the sad part is that she has a dating column!
Guy #2: You mean she is giving other people dating advice?
Guy #1: Yup.
–Union Square
Five-year-old girl #1 on seesaw: Did you know that I have a boyfriend?
Five-year-old girl #2 on seesaw: No.
Five-year-old girl #1 on seesaw: Yes, I do. I have a boyfriend. He even kissed me on the lips, so he’s my boyfriend.
–Playground, Bleecker St
