Thug #1: Did you know her before?
Thug #2: That’s the thing — I just friend-requested her on MySpace the day before the party.
Thug #1 and #3, in unison: True love, nigga.
–McDonald’s, 33rd & 7th
Thug #1: Did you know her before?
Thug #2: That’s the thing — I just friend-requested her on MySpace the day before the party.
Thug #1 and #3, in unison: True love, nigga.
–McDonald’s, 33rd & 7th
Girl: So, what? You just, like, wait around to pick up Barnard girls?
Guy: Well… Yeah.
–1 train
Girl to friend: Yeah, so when he enlisted, he totally asked me to marry him and was like, ‘I’ll get more money so I can send it to you, and if you really want to get married to someone else some day, then we can get divorced’! And he, like, was totally sincere about it. It was so sweet.
–E 49th & 5th
Overheard by: karen
Young suit: You can’t break up with me just because I married her while we’re engaged! It’s not like I love her or anything… Like you’ve never married anyone for a green card!
–79th & Lex
Overheard by: cd
Man on cell: Hello? Hello? Hey, is that you, Brenda*? Yeah, yeah, it’s me, Mikey*. Say, how you been doin’? Listen, you still married? You happily married? [Long pause.] Oh. Okay, listen, gotta run. You take care of yourself!
–54th & 7th
Woman on cell: If only they made penis-shaped wedding tuxes.
–Victoria’s Secret, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
Professor, on Dido and Aeneas’ relationship in The Aeneid: Fucking in a cave does not equal marriage!
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: loving her lit lecture
30-something strolling down street, to himself: Oh, shit, I forgot my wife.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kat
Girl #1: So, did I tell you that he called me his girlfriend?
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah, it was like this Freudian slip thing, I’m pretty sure.
–W 4th St
Overheard by: Peter H
Queer #1: Do you love me?
Queer #2, holding his hand: No.
Queer #1: Then why are you holding my hand?
Queer #2: ‘Cause that’s what we’re supposed to do in public!
–The Village
Man on cell: If the girl does not say no, or does not back away, or does not seem to be pulling away… then that means she really likes you.
–Union Square
Dude: I’m needy and you do stuff for me. That’s how our relationship works.
–2nd Ave. & St. Mark’s Place
Girl on cell: Yeah, yeah, she’s definitely your type. She’s definitely your type… Yup, she’s bow-legged and pigeon-toed…
–16th & 6th
Boyfriend: Listen, you’re dissatisfied with me, and I’m dissatisfied with me. We have something in common! I think this relationship can work.
–32nd & 6th
Girlfriend: I wish you were asexual, except when it comes to me. That way you would only want to have sex with me. [Boyfriend stares.] Actually, I don’t wish that. I wish you’d like girls, but you’d find me so attractive that every time you’d even look at another girl, you’d find her ugly compared to me.
–36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Eryn
NYU freshman girl: I have a boyfriend — I don’t need a social life.
–Starbucks
College girl #1: Last night was amazing.
College girl #2: With the three West Point guys?
College girl #1: Yeah. When I got back to my room they were all passed out there. The one who was rolled in puke was in my bed. I wish more nights were like that.
–Columbia University
Guy: Do you think it’s… bad… that I think I’m going out… with him?
Gal friends, unconvincingly: No, no…
–H&M, Chelsea
Dude #1: Well, listen, dude — there are many correct decisions you can make.
Dude #2: Yeah, but I want to make the right one!
Dude #1: I know. I mean, there are two issues. There’s the cheating thing, which could, you know, really make her lose it, and there’s breaking up with her when you go to Chile.
Dude #2: Yeah, at this point I feel like it’s right to not tell her about the cheating. I mean, I’m a selfish person, and she knew that when we started dating.
Dude #1: Yeah, I mean, you are looking to emanate as much guilt as possible, and if you keep that to yourself, you don’t have to worry about it.
Dude #2: Listen, I’m trying to emanate as much guilt as I can, but it’s still tough. I just feel like she is so into me, and I mean, I think she’s attractive, but on the other hand, I have dated more attractive girls.
Dude #1: Listen, man, you have to take care of yourself. That’s always the right decision.
Dude #2: Well, I really worry about the cheating thing getting back to her.
Dude #1: Listen, dude, in the age of Facebook, nothing is private.
Dude #2, resigned: Totally.
–7th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Man: The last time I saw you it was cold, and now it’s warm.
Woman: I know.
Man: I just don’t know when to call you. I’m afraid that if I call you and you pick up when your husband is there, then we won’t be able to talk.
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Appaled
