Girl #1 on cell: So I freaked out as soon as I saw Ethan and… And… What’s his name, Bill?
Girl #2: Ben.
Girl #1 on cell: And Ted.
Girl #2: Ben
Girl #1: Ed.
Girl #2: Ben!
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Ben!
Girl #1 on cell: Well, Henry.
–5th Ave & 16th
Overheard by: in love with jack
Lady: So my friend from Binghamton went up for homecoming, and he meets some townie. They had sex in an alley and then the hotel elevator and then the hotel room. But the funny thing was, he took the condom off midway…
Bewildered, agitated man: Wow.
Lady: So now all his friends think he has a disease.
Bewildered, agitated man: Did you know that cows say ‘moo’?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Mark Consuelos
Queer #1: What’s with these flowered cabs?
Queer #2: It’s art. Like those damn painted cows Oprah had sex with.
–14th & Ave A
Overheard by: Boheme poet
Girl: So, who did you piss off?
Actor: What? What do you mean?
Girl: Who did you piss off? Did you read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why?
Girl: You didn’t read it? Go read your script, and you’ll see what I mean.
Actor: No, what? Come on, tell me. Why?
Girl: You didn’t read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why? Tell me.
Girl: They’ve got you with a David*, making out on the dining room table. Who did you piss off?
–ABC Cafeteria
Overheard by: Mojosaves
Giggling guy in suit: The seven is like way out there. I mean, way out there. I hear people just take out woks and start cooking in them. Like it’s Chinatown or something.
–Q train
Overheard by: Adrian
Chick #1: … And then he just shoved his whole fist in! I mean, he didn’t even place it in. I guess he was, like, really drunk or something, but I mean, still — and everyone at the table was like, ‘Awkward…’
Chick #2: So awkward!
–41 Eastern Pkwy, Brooklyn
Attorney: You hear about that guy with the bombs in Atlantic City?
Elevator guard: Yeah.
Attorney: At the showboat, man.
Elevator guard: Good buffet there.
–Queens Supreme Court elevator
Female employee #1: You need to go to church.
Female employee #2: Hell no, I can’t go to church anymore [laughs mischievously].
Female employee #1: You don’t go to church?
Female employee #2: Uh-uh.
Female employee #1: Whatever! Yo, at my church, like, gangs and shit be comin’ on Sundays. The Crips are all on one side and the Bloods all on the other. It’s crazy. They be wearin’ their colors and shit, too.
–Century 21
Teen girl #1: Did you know that Always is, like, 60% more likely to cause yeast infections than other brands?
Teen girl #2: Do they fucking bake their pads?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: djlindee
Coworker chick #1: Do you guys remember [Becky Thatcher]?
Coworker girl crowd: Yes!
Coworker chick #1: Well, I waited on her once!
Coworker chick #2: Yo, did you ask her why she burned down that float?
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja
