Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?
–Finnerty’s, Union Square area
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"
–Shuttle Train GCT
Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth
Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!
–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Jesse
Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.
–Deli, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: LP
Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!
–Astor & Lafayette
Overheard by: Andi C.
Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!
–34th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Kramer
Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!
–23rd St & Park Ave
Girl #1: So my boyfriend brought me crown fried chicken for dinner the other night.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah?
Girl #3: I heard they cum in it.
–Queens College
Hipster chick: … And I was like, ‘I want a boyfriend!’ and God was like, ‘Hello!’
–43rd & 6th
Lady on cell: You’ll have to get a Hispanic boyfriend. Or someone ethnic… Go out with the Jew!
–49th & 8th
Bus driver: No phones on the bus. I don’t care if you got problems with your mother, or your brother, or girlfriend got a problem with boyfriend, or boyfriend got a problem with girlfriend, or girlfriend-girlfriend, or boyfriend-boyfriend, or just you got a sad, pathetic life, because other passengers do not like to hear those things. And if you sleep, leave your shoes on — people take their shoes off, it smells like fish market.
–Port Authority, Greyhound to Philadelphia
Ghetto girl: This weekend I found out that my boyfriend had a wife, and my dad got hit on by another man.
–6 train
20-ish chick: Remember when I used to call my fuck-buddy the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ of boyfriends?
–Apartment party, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Lady on cell: Did you see that girl’s butt today?! Did you see her butt?! Ewww! It was like my boyfriend’s!
–John St
Teen girl #1: Guess what? Savannah gave Zach a blow job!
Teen girl #2: Huh?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know what it is either, but that’s what people are saying.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Overheard by: Charly
Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"
–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: also loud
Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.
–116th & 1st
Overheard by: DonnaRae
Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: intern2
Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."
–Mercer & W 3rd
Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!
–East Village
20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.
–Express Bus to Brooklyn
Hot straight guy #1: Geez, what size shoes do you wear, dude?
Hot straight guy #2: They’re size fourteen.
Hot straight guy #1: And how tall are you?
Hot straight guy #2: Oh, I’m 6’1″.
Hot straight guy #1: Damn, dude — you must have a huge cock!
Queer: Dude…
Hot straight guy #2: Man, I thought you were gonna say what I always hear — ‘Dude, big feet — you know what that means? Big shoes!’ I hear that all the time.
Hot straight guy #1: I know, right?
Hot straight guy #2: I like to say, ‘Yeah, it means a big cock, right?’ but that always leads to an awkward silence. I applaud you for coming right out with that.
Queer: Um…
Hot straight guy #1: Yeah, I left my shoes at my girlfriend’s the other day, and her mom made a comment on them — ‘Big shoes…’ I mean, her mom!
Hot straight guy #2: That’s crazy.
Queer: Guys, look — unless you’re gonna whip ’em out, can we stop talking about your gigantic cocks, please?
–1166 6th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Big Hispanic queer: … So he says, ‘So, don’t you feel cleaner?’ I says, ‘Man, I feel cleaner, but what about the 20 pounds I’m supposed to lose?’
Little Hispanic queer: I thought you were supposed to lose mad weight when you got your colon cleaned.
–Prince & Broadway
Man #1: They take your children?
Man #2: They even take your dignity!
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Girl #1: So, yeah, his dick was this big (stretches fingers). I guess the rumors about black guys are true.
Girl #2: Kinda reminds me of my dad.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2, awkwardly: I was only joking!
–Broadway
