Rumor Has It

Bimbette: Those blankets are so soft!
Bored friend: Yeah…
Bimbette: I know, right? Don’t you ever just go to bed naked and rub them everywhere? It’s like a massage!
Bored friend: … Everywhere?
Bimbette: Yes, everywhere. Even your anus. It hurts sometimes [looks away in thought].
Bored friend: … Oh.

–9th & 4th

Overheard by: I didn’t want to know.

Thug #1: He got married!
Thug #2: He got married?
Thug #1: Yeah, man, he married that chick!
Thug #2: What chick?
Thug #1: Oh, lord, there were so many.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Arielle

Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide…

–2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: bestbelieve

20-ish girl: Jack is going to Vegas for a bachelor party Friday. Should I be worried? What really happens at those things, anyway?
30-ish guy: It depends. The last one I went to was pretty low-key, but I’ve been to plenty of crazy bachelor weekends with strippers and a double-ended dildo.
20-ish girl: That’s it?! I’ve been to tons of parties with strippers and dildos. That’s not that crazy.
30-ish guy: When’s Jack back?
20-ish girl: Sunday.
30-ish guy: I think I might have a party Saturday.

–Union Square

Girlfriend: This guy told me that a girl told you it would be worth your while to cheat on me!
Boyfriend: First of all, I didn’t tell her I had a girlfriend…

–F train

Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?

–Finnerty’s, Union Square area

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Girl #1: So my boyfriend brought me crown fried chicken for dinner the other night.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah?
Girl #3: I heard they cum in it.

–Queens College

Hipster chick: … And I was like, ‘I want a boyfriend!’ and God was like, ‘Hello!’

–43rd & 6th

Lady on cell: You’ll have to get a Hispanic boyfriend. Or someone ethnic… Go out with the Jew!

–49th & 8th

Bus driver: No phones on the bus. I don’t care if you got problems with your mother, or your brother, or girlfriend got a problem with boyfriend, or boyfriend got a problem with girlfriend, or girlfriend-girlfriend, or boyfriend-boyfriend, or just you got a sad, pathetic life, because other passengers do not like to hear those things. And if you sleep, leave your shoes on — people take their shoes off, it smells like fish market.

–Port Authority, Greyhound to Philadelphia

Ghetto girl: This weekend I found out that my boyfriend had a wife, and my dad got hit on by another man.

–6 train

20-ish chick: Remember when I used to call my fuck-buddy the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ of boyfriends?

–Apartment party, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady on cell: Did you see that girl’s butt today?! Did you see her butt?! Ewww! It was like my boyfriend’s!

–John St

Teen girl #1: Guess what? Savannah gave Zach a blow job!
Teen girl #2: Huh?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know what it is either, but that’s what people are saying.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Overheard by: Charly