Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners

Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?

–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game

40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!

–Outside Jake's Dillemma

Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Crazy Romanians

Posted on June 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Balls, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Death, Families, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Jesus, Madison Square Garden, Marriage, Men, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Rumor Has It, School and studying, The Village, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Some Say He Was Too Good of a Locksmith

Girl #1: I guess he’s not around.
Girl #2: He’s in jail!
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Darell’s in jail, girl.
Girl #1, pouting: Ohhh… And he just got his business cards!

–145th & Frederick Douglass, Harlem

Overheard by: Ernie Privetera

Posted on December 13, 2017
Crime and Punishment, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Rumor Has It

Constipates Anonymous Meeting

Dude: Sorry I couldn’t make it Friday night. I heard it was quite a doody.
Chick: Yeah, it was so good that everyone shit their pants.

–32nd & 7th

Posted on September 28, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Rumor Has It

I Will Require Examples, Followed by a Shower

Freshman boy #1: … ‘Cause when girls be getting freaky they get all… creative and shit.
Freshman boy #2: Yeah!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Adrienne G.

Posted on August 13, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Rumor Has It, Students

A Moon Shot Requires Teamwork

Short Jamaican cabbie holding up newspaper: Man, this guy must have a big dick!
Arab deli guy: No, they did it on the moon. It’s different up there.

–Deli, 28th & 10th

Overheard by: lunch on 29th

Posted on August 10, 2015
Cabbies, Delis, Rumor Has It

The Tide Commercial the FCC Doesn’t Want You to See

Bimbette: Those blankets are so soft!
Bored friend: Yeah…
Bimbette: I know, right? Don’t you ever just go to bed naked and rub them everywhere? It’s like a massage!
Bored friend: … Everywhere?
Bimbette: Yes, everywhere. Even your anus. It hurts sometimes [looks away in thought].
Bored friend: … Oh.

–9th & 4th

Overheard by: I didn’t want to know.

Posted on July 11, 2015
Bimbettes, Rumor Has It, Union Square and East Village

She Must Have Done Something None of the Others Would

Thug #1: He got married!
Thug #2: He got married?
Thug #1: Yeah, man, he married that chick!
Thug #2: What chick?
Thug #1: Oh, lord, there were so many.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Arielle

Posted on July 10, 2015
Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Rumor Has It, Thugs

Now I Fantasize about Suicide, Like Everybody Else in the City

Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide…

–2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: bestbelieve

Posted on July 2, 2015
Body Parts, Crazies, Men, Rumor Has It, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Reader Poll: Should Jack Be Worried?

20-ish girl: Jack is going to Vegas for a bachelor party Friday. Should I be worried? What really happens at those things, anyway?
30-ish guy: It depends. The last one I went to was pretty low-key, but I’ve been to plenty of crazy bachelor weekends with strippers and a double-ended dildo.
20-ish girl: That’s it?! I’ve been to tons of parties with strippers and dildos. That’s not that crazy.
30-ish guy: When’s Jack back?
20-ish girl: Sunday.
30-ish guy: I think I might have a party Saturday.

–Union Square

Posted on July 2, 2015
Friends, Questions, Rumor Has It, Union Square and East Village

And… I Have No Second Point to Make

Girlfriend: This guy told me that a girl told you it would be worth your while to cheat on me!
Boyfriend: First of all, I didn’t tell her I had a girlfriend…

–F train

Posted on June 25, 2015
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Infidelity, On the Subway, Rumor Has It

Rumor Has It