Rumor Has It

Dude: Sorry I couldn’t make it Friday night. I heard it was quite a doody.
Chick: Yeah, it was so good that everyone shit their pants.

–32nd & 7th

Freshman boy #1: … ‘Cause when girls be getting freaky they get all… creative and shit.
Freshman boy #2: Yeah!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Adrienne G.

Short Jamaican cabbie holding up newspaper: Man, this guy must have a big dick!
Arab deli guy: No, they did it on the moon. It’s different up there.

–Deli, 28th & 10th

Overheard by: lunch on 29th

Bimbette: Those blankets are so soft!
Bored friend: Yeah…
Bimbette: I know, right? Don’t you ever just go to bed naked and rub them everywhere? It’s like a massage!
Bored friend: … Everywhere?
Bimbette: Yes, everywhere. Even your anus. It hurts sometimes [looks away in thought].
Bored friend: … Oh.

–9th & 4th

Overheard by: I didn’t want to know.

Thug #1: He got married!
Thug #2: He got married?
Thug #1: Yeah, man, he married that chick!
Thug #2: What chick?
Thug #1: Oh, lord, there were so many.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Arielle

Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide…

–2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: bestbelieve

20-ish girl: Jack is going to Vegas for a bachelor party Friday. Should I be worried? What really happens at those things, anyway?
30-ish guy: It depends. The last one I went to was pretty low-key, but I’ve been to plenty of crazy bachelor weekends with strippers and a double-ended dildo.
20-ish girl: That’s it?! I’ve been to tons of parties with strippers and dildos. That’s not that crazy.
30-ish guy: When’s Jack back?
20-ish girl: Sunday.
30-ish guy: I think I might have a party Saturday.

–Union Square

Girlfriend: This guy told me that a girl told you it would be worth your while to cheat on me!
Boyfriend: First of all, I didn’t tell her I had a girlfriend…

–F train

Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?

–Finnerty’s, Union Square area

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave