Tourist lady #1: Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to the corner of Madison and Park?
Man: No such place. See, those streets run–
Tourist lady #2: Oh, he doesn’t know. We just came from there, so let’s just go back the way we came.
–34th & Park
Overheard by: Manhattman
Worker guy: We’re going to try to get the line moving quicker. Anyone who is in a group of 2 or more people, have 1 person stand in line and buy tickets. The other members of your group can go to a waiting area and you can meet them there.
Tourist guy: But what if all 3 of us want to go up to the top?
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Tra
Tourist guy #1: What’s going on?
Tourist guy #2: Apparently someone is a motherfucker.
–42nd & 7th
Southern man: Well hon, maybe you should buy both; keep the large one and find someone to give the small one to.
Southern woman: Hmm, who do I know that needs a Statue of Liberty?
–Broadway & Canal
Tourist teen girl: I hope we see one of the Olsen twins.
Tourist mom: Oh, they were so cute on that show.
Man: Those kids were disgusting. They weren’t cute. They were hideous. They should have put bags over their heads. You know who is a cute baby? Stewie Griffin. You know, from The Family Guy? He wants to kill his mother and take over the world.
Tourist mom: Okay, thanks!
–W Train
Overheard by: Ubiquitous Attorney
Vendor guy: I got so much dirt under my nails, you’d think I was a crackhead.
–Fulton Mall
Overheard by: Black Girl Superstar
Tourist girl #1: Stop acting like a tourist!
Tourist girl #2: But I am a tourist!
Tourist girl #1: But it’s embarrassing.
Tourist girl #2: If you’re embarrassed over what a ton of people you’ve never seen before and never will see again think, you’re never going to have any fun. Tourists are allowed to act like dorks.
Tourist girl #1: Then why do you make fun of tourists in Boston?
–Doubletree Metropolitan Hotel, Lexington Avenue
Tourist lady #1: Is this it?
Tourist lady #2: I think this is it.
Tourist lady #1: You’d think they’d have signs or something.
Tourist lady #2: Yeah, this must be it, though.
–Times Square
Tourist lady #1: Sweeney Todd…I heard that’s a spoof on a cooking show.
Tourist lady #2: Oh, is it about Julia Child?
Tourist lady #1: I think so.
–49th between Broadway & 8th
Guy: Don’t ever give up your dreams. This is New York. It’s not even about the numbers. I’ve come too far to give up my dreams. Don’t give up your dreams…So Canal Street is this way?
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Esther
