Barista guy: You can’t bring that dog in here.
Dude: What kind of coffee do you have today?
Barista guy: I’m not telling you what kind of coffee we have until you get that dog out of here.
Dude: No really, what kind of coffee do you have today?
Barista guy: Is that a working dog?
Dude: Yeah…
Barista guy: Are you blind?
Dude: Yeah…
–Starbucks, 47th & 3rd
Overheard by: Cait
Teen boy: My puppy is probably going to die soon.
Teen girl: Aw, when?
Teen boy: Probably by next September, he’ll be a corpse.
Teen girl: Wait, why?
Teen boy: He has obsessive-compulsive disorder.
–Central Park
Black guy #1: I got all depressed after I lost my hair.
Black guy #2: You what?
Black guy #1: My hair; I got depressed when I lost it.
Black guy #2: I didn’t know you had a ferret!
Black guy #1: Shit yeah, but halfway through I decided to shave it.
Black guy #2: You shaved a fucking ferret? What the hell you do that for, nigga?
Black guy #1: I just hated losing it, so I shaved it.
Black guy #2: Man, I’m fucked up.
Black guy #1: Me too.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas men’s room
Drunk dude: I’ve always wanted a pet bee. You know? That would be so cool. To have a pet bee. I’d take it for a walk every day and show it to the neighbors. And they’d be so amazed that I had a pet bee!
Guy #1: How would you take a bee for a walk?
Drunk dude: I’d tie a little string around its neck. Like a leash, you know?
Guy #2: I didn’t know that bees had a neck.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Eric Roitman
