Visitor lady #1: What was the name of your vibrator? Was it Pedro or Paco?
Visitor lady #2: No, it was my first one: Sergei.
Visitor lady #1: What? Why did I say Pedro? Where did that come from?
Patient guy: …My first goat‘s name was Pedro.
–Mount Sinai Rehabilitation Center, Gustave Levy Place
Overheard by: Lindroid
Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!
–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents
Overheard by: jycho
Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.
–Student Center, Barnard
Overheard by: Kristine
Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!
–50th Ave & Broadway
Overheard by: Colleen
Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.
–E 10th St
Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?
–20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jesse S G
Creepster: I’ve always thought babies make the best pets.
–Bronx Zoo
Woman on cell: What the hell is this? E’ry bitch in here got somebody else baby! Black ladies got white babies. White ladies got Chinese babies. Is this Take-somebody-else-baby-to-the-park Day? Shit, I wish somebody woulda took mines!
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Manhattman
Hipster chick, looking at over-sized purse: Oh, I like this bag! You could fit a baby in here! [Lady nearby stares.] Y’know, not that I’d ever put a baby… in a bag… Sheesh.
–Urban Outfitters, 2nd Ave
Lady on cell: I know it’s reasonable to worry about things. but I just think it’s sort of strange that you worry about a shark jumping up and snatching your baby while you’re driving over a bridge! [Long pause] Well, did you ever think of rolling up the windows?
–Union Square
Blonde on cell: So, my friend took me to this vegan barbecue this weekend. Fucking bullshit. I had to go home and eat a baby just to feel normal again.
–59th & 5th
Deli guy: Getting some beers?
Customer guy: Yup. Three for me and one for my dog.
–Bodega, Amsterdam & 109th
Friend: Where's that pizza from?
Stroller dad: Tony's*.
Friend: Oh, Tony's*.
Stroller dad: Yeah. We named our rabbit Tony*.
Friend: Because it poops all the time?
Stroller dad: Yeah.
–Bar, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Guy: How was the weekend? Were the kids well-behaved?
Woman: It was fine, they were great.
Guy: How was Max at night? He sometimes gets lonely and starts crying.
Woman: Hmm, I don’t know. I locked them out of my room.
Guy, yelling: You what?!? How could you? You know how they are at night!
[pause.]Woman, unruffled: They are pets. Not kids. Pets. And I don’t sleep with dogs that weigh more than I do.
–Starbucks, 20th St & 6th Ave
(excited dog jumps onto lady)
Lady: Oh, why are you so frisky?
Dog walker: He's a puppy.
Lady: Oh, so he's new to New York? Soon he'll be just as jaded and angry as the rest of us.
–32nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Tacomeat
Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. (sighs)
(hobo slowly inches away)
–L Train
Overheard by: Cai
Hippie woman: Ma'am, what did you just feed my dog?
Elderly woman: A treat.
Hippie woman: What was it? Was it meat?
Elderly woman: Well, not really, it was a sausage.
Hippie woman: What is wrong with you?! My dog is a vegetarian! What if he had a food allergy?!
Elderly woman: Right. Go away.
–Thompson Square Park Dog Run
Overheard by: Klayton
Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.
–Brooklyn Heights
Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.
–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn
Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.
–17th & 8th
Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Is that how it works?
Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.
–JFK
