Thugette on cell: Yeah, I’m planning on getting arrested this weekend. That’s my new thing now. Instead of going to the club and shit, I’m just going to get arrested.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Metrosexual: Oh my god! Did you hear that Paris Hilton just escaped from prison?
–Broadway & Prince
Mom eating fried chicken: I always thought Penn Station stop was named after a penitentiary…
–A train
Overheard by: Denning
Mocking cop to dude he just arrested: You’ve got jail!
–West Village
Hobo with shopping cart, singing: Every day I pick my nose! Every day I pick my nose! Every day I pick my nose! I pick my big, goddamn nose!
–W 4th & Barrow
Overheard by: David M Pasteelnick
Cop singing into loudspeaker of police van flashing its lights: Kumbaya, my Lord! Kumbaya! Oooh, Lord, kumbaya!
–23rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Gus
Crazy hobo, singing: I want a hedge fund, Lord, kumbaya. I want a hedge fund, Lord, kumbaya. I want a hedge fund, Lord, kumbaya. Everybody! [Crowd stares.] Oh, Lord, kumbaya!
–11th Ave, between 51st & 52nd
Overheard by: Amused Tourist
Small boy and girl singing: Jesus! Jeeesus! Jesus in the morning, Jesus in the evening… Jeeesuuusss…
–Wendy’s, Bayside, Queens
Overheard by: smh
Two old black ladies, singing: New York City condoms, New York City condoms! Protect yourself in somebody else. [Clap once, then] New York City condoms!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Gemma
Guy on cell: So, the ecstasy turned out to be Excedrin.
–Financial District
Stooped street character: Free drugs for teenagers! Free drugs for teenagers!
–Spring St, between Thompson & Sullivan
Overheard by: Monica P.
Boy to girl: Giving up marijuana is like giving up sandwiches — it just doesn’t make sense.
–Washington Square Park
Southern tourist to dreadlocked conductor: Does the ticket come with marijuana, or is that extra?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Erin
Cop: The park is closed! Please take your cocaine, your heroin, and your mari-ji-juana elsewhere!
–Washington Square
Guy in line, to girl: So, I guess we could go to the TKTS booth and see how much the half-off shows are. They’re usually like 30 or 50 percent cheaper.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you said you were running a few minutes late and you showed up two days later!
–Spring & Greene
Desperate guy: I don’t care if she’s between a two and a ten, just so long as she’s not a one!
–Spring & Mulberry
Overheard by: Eddie
Enthusiastic chick: You know what they say — hindsight is 50-50!
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: David
Eight-year-old boy to female friend: … At a rate of interest of five point three-five percent…
–W 81st St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Blonde: I can pretend to be just one person!
–30th St, Astoria
Man on phone: I thought you were calling to tell me you’re getting married. That would have been terrible.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: Lisa
Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.
–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn
Little Asian girl talking on toy cell: What? Tomorrow? Marry you?!
–Waiting room, Ft Greene Department of Health
Overheard by: nooners
Angry woman to loser husband: If you want this marriage to work, we need to move to Baltimore.
–Starbucks, 59th & Lex
Girl on cell: No, I don’t think sleeping with her again will help… Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be sleeping with anybody else… I mean, Jesus Christ, we are engaged!
–Starbucks, 23rd & 6th
Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn’t dating anybody, but he didn’t tell you he was married?
–11th & Broadway
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he’s just being creative…
–Outside NY Public Library
Overheard by: Miss_Rach
Black guy to himself: I’m not like the rest of you — I’m just an ordinary loon!
–52nd & 3rd
Overheard by: what?
Hobo: Does anybody have Amy Fisher’s phone number? I love crazy chicks!
–R train
Old woman to middle-aged woman: You have to walk on the crazy side of the street.
–2nd & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Lady to another, pointing at Borough Hall: Is that place a mental institution?
–Stuyvesant Pl, outside SI Borough Hall
Girl on cell: What the fuck? I mean, if you want to say hi, just write it on my Facebook wall!
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: alxie
Dude: I really want to sign up with eHarmony, but I can’t think of three things I am thankful for.
–8th & Broadway
Black teen girl: Can’t nobody talk shit about her now, ’cause they know we’re with her. I mean, she’s in our Top Three on MySpace!
–23rd & 8th
Sketchy doctor: I Google everything! I treat my patients with Google.
–Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, 98th & Madison
Guido: You know what it would mean if I drove a Saab? It would mean I have a big dick.
–Sheepshead Bay theater
Overheard by: sprinkles
JAP on cell: Well, if you guys need a ride I need to call Daddy and tell him to bring the Infinity, not the BMW… Wow, that sounded really JAP-y.
–49th, between 8th & 9th
Restaurant flyer guy: Why a Lamborghini costs so much we don’t know, but we do have food!
–96th & 3rd
Overheard by: Drewster
Guy: We either gotta pay the Russian drivers, threaten the Russian drivers, or kill the Russian drivers.
–Financial District
Ghetto lady: That’s the only thing you can do in a van with no air conditioning — sing.
–Maspeth & Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn
Man on cell: I have a rash there, too!
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Ewww!
Girl to friends: So yeah, I found out today that I have second-hand ADD…
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: the doc
Barker to another who spit on him: Man, why you spittin’? What if you got laryngitis? Your next customer’s gonna get AIDS!
–Astroland, Coney Island
Overheard by: Greg Costello
Feminine real estate broker guy on cell: … And then tuberculosis Betty walked in!
–Real estate office, 47th & Madison
Overheard by: Felago
Girl on cell: Honestly, if you have leukemia, you should not be doing coke.
–34th & 8th
