Dude #1: So it’s either lots of bran every day, or just wake up to a cigarette and coffee. Works for me every time.
Dude #2: So there’s a health benefit to your vices, huh?
Dude #1: I guess so.
Dude #2: I wonder if gay guys have good shits. Maybe that’s a benefit of anal sex.
Dude #1: I’ll stick to cigarettes and coffee, thanks.
–Starbucks, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: iiams
Girl: What about that one ugly girl?
Guy: Man, she is so ugly. I would not touch that shit.
Girl: But you already fucked her!
Guy: Yeah, but it was only once. And I used a rubber.
Guy: You’re an ugly cheating cocksucking whore; you’re a fucking ugly slut. But you know why I stay with you? We have compatible personalities.
Guy: I hate that bitch. I want to fuck her in the ass.
Girl: But baby, you like to fuck me in the ass.
Guy: Yeah baby, but you like it when I fuck you in the ass.
Girl: Yeah, it doesn’t hurt so bad when you remember to breathe.
Girl: So when we get married are you gonna stop fucking my sister?
Guy: But I’ve been fucking her for a while now…It’s like a habit.
–Olive Garden, Times Square
Overheard by: helen r.
Guy #1: I was faithful and honest as I could be under the circumstances.
Guy #2: But you fucked him four times!
–Jamba Juice, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: BondgBoi
Ad guy #1: “Up Your Budget”? I don’t get it.
Ad guy #2: It’s for the rental car company.
Ad guy #1: But it makes you think of Up Your Butt. Is that the point? Budget wants people to think about stuffing things in their ass?
Ad guy #2: I don’t know.
Ad guy #1: “Look at me, I’m stuffing things in my ass!” “We try harder, we’re number two. We’re stuffing things in our ass!”…Hertz!
–Madison & 50th
Overheard by: Kevin
A woman at the next table is eating kielbasa with cole slaw.
Queer: Ew, that is so gross!
Woman: Do you want to know what’s gross? Sucking on someone’s cock that has just been in your ass.
–Veselka, 2nd Avenue
Guy: Man it would suck to be homeless. I would just kill someone and go to prison where at least you get a nice warm place to sleep and some food and shit.
Girl: Or you could steal some stuff, that way if you don’t get caught it’s awesome and if you do you get to go to a nice warm prison.
Guy: Yeah, prison in the US is pretty sweet, I’d bet–not like in other countries.
Girl: Except there is a lot of talk about ass-raping.
–24th & 9th
