Bimbette: What’s the plural of ‘Jesus’? Jesuses? Jesi?
Friend: Why would you ever need to pluralize ‘Jesus’? There’s only one!
Bimbette: Well, like, if you were at a Halloween party or something and you had to tell your friend ‘There were, like, eight Jesi at the party last night!’
Friend: Just stop talking.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Irasian
Bimbo #1 picking up box of baking soda: I didn’t know soda was baked…
Bimbo #2: Thank god it’s not fried! Do you know how many extra calories that would be?!
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: Walford geog
Chick #1: Yeah, Lovely Bones is my favorite book. Totally. What’s yours?
Chick #2: Oh, this book called On the Road. It’s by this guy, Jack Kerouac.
Chick #1: Yeah? What’s it about?
Chick #2: It’s about this beat stuff. ‘Cause the guy — he was, ya know, beat.
Chick #1: Beat?
Chick #2: Yeah, like, him and Allen Ginsberg wrote stuff and hitchhiked and dropped out of Columbia.
Chick #1: Oh my god. Why would you ever drop out of Columbia? Must have sucked to be them.
Chick #2: Yeah, I dunno. I guess they were, like, broke.
–6 train toward Bleecker
Blonde girl: He’s really good-looking, but he’s Jewish. You know, like a Jewish Jew.
Friend: Oh, yeah, totally. That sucks. That wouldn’t work for you at all. God, why are all the good-looking men around here Jewish Jews?
–NYU
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Chick #1: So, Fred* and I got in a fight again last night, but we made up just as fast as it all started. I told him that I would let him fuck me in the ass if we can stop fighting for a month.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah, good idea! That’ll work!
–Bartinis
Overheard by: anitaLaMasBonita
Girl: So, is the ferry the only way to get to Staten Island?
–SeaStreak ferry under the Verrazano Bridge
Overheard by: Look. Up.
Bimbo tourist #1: Anyway, so when he pulled it out of me it made this farting noise, and I know it wasn’t a fart because it didn’t smell, and… It was just really embarrassing.
Bimbo tourist #2: Quip.
Bimbo tourist #1: What?
Bimbo tourist #2: A quip. The farting noise, it’s called a ‘quip.’
Bimbo tourist #1: Oh, they have a name for it? Wow.
Bimbo tourist #2: Oh, totally. It happens to a lot of people.
Stranger: Um, that’s not right.
Bimbo tourist #2: Excuse me, sir?
Stranger: No, it’s ‘queef.’
Bimbo tourist #2: Wait, what?
Bimbo tourist #1: I think he’s saying his name is ‘Queef’ or something.
Bimbo tourist #2: Oh, sorry. Excuse me, Queef?
Stranger: No… Oh, lord. The sound, it’s ‘queef.’
Bimbo tourist #2: Who’s a ‘queef’? What’s going on?
Bimbo tourist #1: I think he’s one of those crazy subway guys you hear about. I think he’s telling us he’s gay.
Stranger: I can hear you, and I’m not… What? That’s ‘queer,’ you ingrate!
Bimbo tourist #1: Here’s some money for you, sir. Buy your boyfriend a nice grocery cart or something.
Stranger: What?! Does it look like I’m homeless to you? I’m wearing fucking YSL over here… I ain’t queer and I ain’t homeless. You ignorant, you skinny, Paris Hilton-wannabe whores. All I was saying to you was that when your sleazy-ass friend over here pulled her boyfriend’s dick out of her STD-ridden pussy, the word…
Bimbo tourist #1: I’m not following… Is he speaking Cockney or something?
Bimbo tourist #2: I don’t know. Are you allowed to mace crazy hobos?
Stranger: …I’m not fucking crazy!
Bimbo tourist #2: Of course you aren’t, sir.
Passenger: Oh, shut your mouth, both of ya, or I’m gonna whoop both your scrawny asses, you hear?
Stranger: Thank you. All I was saying was…
Old lady: Ah, hell no! Can’t you see this conversation has gone past anyone in this damn subway’s comprehension? Know when to drop it, brother. Know when to drop it.
Bimbo tourist #2: [Mouthing] Oh my god.
Bimbo tourist #1: I know. That was intense.
Stranger, muttering to himself: … Last time I ever take a subway… Unbelievable shit I put up with… Fucking Civics… Unreliable fuckers…
–L train
Man: I’ll give you 10 bucks if you can tell me what baseball team is popular in Philly.
Woman: Duh, it’s the Red Sox! …What? Boston is in Philly.
Man: Sweetie, Boston isn’t in Philly.
Woman: Don’t lie to me, you know how easy I fall for things!
Man: But Boston is in Massachusetts.
Woman: That’s what I said!
–E 23rd St & Lex
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl #1: I never want to have kids.
Girl #2: Me neither, but I’d totally get pregnant with a celebrity’s kid. Then I’d be rich for the rest of my life.
–A train to Far Rockaway
Overheard by: M
Girl #1: Ha ha ha. Who said that? Stewie Griffin, right?
Girl #2: No, Kim Jong-il! Oh my god!
Girl #1: I’ve never been more ashamed of myself.
–Starbucks, W 41st
