Blonde looking in compact: I need a new nose.
Boyfriend: I need a new apartment.
Blonde, whiny: It’s always your needs! What about mine?!
Boyfriend: You just spent five thousand dollars on your fucking tits with my money!
Server waiting to take order: I’ll come back when you two are ready…
–Olive Garden, Chelsea
Girl to man who held door for her: Thank you.
Man: I love you.
Girl to friend: Nobody in New York has any respect anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: Elise C-K
Loud girl: Get the fuck up.
Bewildered man: Huh?
Loud girl: You heard me, get the fuck up! Don’t you see that I’m a lady? Give me your damn seat, motherfucker! I’m a fucking lady. You’re supposed to give me your seat.
Bewildered man: Fuck you, bitch!
–Q10 bus, Queens
Overheard by: SarahJ
Girl: Did you just litter?
Friend who just dropped Starbucks cup: Yeah, but it’s okay. The homeless love to clean up trash. They get money for it.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: JB
Hobo to girl with two bags and seven textbooks: Damn, girl, where you goin’ wid all dem books? You rob a Barnes and Noble or somethin’? You tryin’a sell your shit, too? Yeah, you know how it is…
Girl: No, I’ve actually spent the last 18 hours in the library studying for my law school exams so I can become an attorney and contribute to society. But I’m sure you know all about that.
Hobo: Yeah, law school ain’t work out for me, neither. How much you sellin’ that New York Peen… Penal… Oh, shit! You learn about dicks and clits and shit in law school?!
–Church St, TriBeCa
White chick: They’ll believe you raped me when I was drunk!
Black guy: Baby, don’t play that game with me.
White chick: Why not? I can — you’re black!
Black guy: Aw, shit!
–29th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Scott
Woman: Why are you sitting on my lap?
Chick squeezing into a seat: I’m just sitting down.
Woman: You must be a lesbian, sitting on my lap.
Chick: I ain’t no lesbian! I ain’t got no dick!
–Q train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rich Weksberg
NYU chick #1: How do we get there?
NYU chick #2: The yellow line!
WASP lady screaming: There’s no yellow line! There are numbers and letters, no colors!
NYU chick #1: God! What a bitch!
WASP lady: Damn straight I’m a bitch! Get the fuck out of town!
–Union Square
Overheard by: um, I agree
Guy #1: I bought Xbox to play Spiderman 2.
Guy #2: I bought it to play Knights of the Old Republic.
Guy #3: I bought PlayStation One to play Final Fantasy Seven.
Chick: You’re all losers who don’t deserve girlfriends.
–Office, 47th & 6th
Overheard by: Joe
Chick #1: And they smoked pot like crazy!
Little kid: What’s pot?
Chick #2: Who the hell is talking to you? Go fuck yourself.
Kid runs away crying.
Chick #1: Kids today are terrible. Parents need to start beating their kids again.
Chick #2: Word.
–Tompkins Square Park Playground
