Brooklyn

Give It Up, Y’all, for J-Naz and the A-posse of Twelve

Puerto Rican girl: You know what my mother always says? ‘Jesus danced, Jesus drank, or else why would we make a wine out of him?’
Haitian guy: Amen! Hallelujah!
Black girl: Jesus wanted us to get down with it.

–Brooklyn College

Headline by: jason daniel

Runners-Up:
· “Resurrection Red, Walks on Water White, or Virgin Birth Blush?” – Fred
· “Shake This, For This Is My Booty” – Meredith
· “Suffer the Blunts and 40s to Come Unto Me” – likeitornot
· “What CAN’T That Nigga Do?” – Joeritos
· “Word. (of the Lord)” – Janet E

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

They’re Kind of Like Protective Goggles

Little girl, looking at teen with glasses: Why do you wear glasses?
Little boy: Because she farts too much!

–Austin St, Forest Hills

Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff Bury the Hatchet

Girl #1: I’m so glad we’re finally hanging out!
Girl #2: I’ve been drunk since two o’clock.

–BAM Opera House

Overheard by: It’s 8 o’clock now

I’ll Make a Toast with My 40 and Put a Cap in Your Ass with My .38

Son: I wasn’t talking about drinking champagne.
Mom: You don’t know anything. You make a toast with champagne, not 40s!

–Bushwick

Overheard by: Cait O’Connor

Headline by: Hobo Whisperer

Runners-Up:
· “Miss Manners Said So” – John
· “Not According to “Martha Stewart’s Bronx Living”, Mom” – Gabbertoons
· “Parenting on the Rocks?” – crystal
· “Shows What You Know About the Elite and Enviable Life Of the Fratboy.” – danielle
· “Spike Lee Fights the Power” – glenntronic

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

A True Gentleman Always Puff-Puff-Passes

Gangsta #1, to cat-calling friend: Man, that’s rude.
Gangsta #2: Shut up! You smoke in front of your grandma.

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Good to See the Shame’s Gone Out of That

Asian hipster girl: The first time I met you I totally thought you were gay!
Asian hipster guy: That’s okay. Everyone does — even my family.
Random hipster guy: Really? Me, too! [Hipster guys hi-five each other.]

–Bedford & N 6th

Overheard by: Marc P.

Wow, That Jumped Ugly Pretty Quick

Creepster: Have you ever had a tampon stuck inside of you?
Chick: Well, once when I was drunk I had my period and stuck another one up.
Creepster: So, did it get stuck?
Chick: No… But I’m not a fucking gaping hole, if that’s what you think.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alex Berger

Except to School and Church, of Course

Girl #1: There’s something wrong with my tail bone…
Girl #2: Yeah?
Girl #1: Yeah, actually — there’s a scrape on it.
Girl #2: Um, really?
Girl #1: Yeah, and I really can’t figure out how it happened! I’ve been wearing pants everywhere I go…

–Prospect Park

You Would Prefer “The Darker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice”?

White mom: Which kitty is your favorite?
Little girl holding book of baby animals: The black one!
Mom: The black one? He sure is a cute kitty.
Little girl, loudly: Once you go black, you never go back!
Passing thug, flashing her a thumbs-up: Word!
White mom: I don’t care what your father says, we are so moving to Westchester.

–Commodore Barry Park, Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Straightfaced, but barely

… Doesn’t Mean I Can Decorate the Living Room!

Middle school boy screaming to his father: Just because I like sausages–
Mom, interrupting: –Shhh…

–Brooklyn

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