Asian hipster girl: The first time I met you I totally thought you were gay!
Asian hipster guy: That’s okay. Everyone does — even my family.
Random hipster guy: Really? Me, too! [Hipster guys hi-five each other.]
–Bedford & N 6th
Overheard by: Marc P.
Creepster: Have you ever had a tampon stuck inside of you?
Chick: Well, once when I was drunk I had my period and stuck another one up.
Creepster: So, did it get stuck?
Chick: No… But I’m not a fucking gaping hole, if that’s what you think.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alex Berger
Girl #1: There’s something wrong with my tail bone…
Girl #2: Yeah?
Girl #1: Yeah, actually — there’s a scrape on it.
Girl #2: Um, really?
Girl #1: Yeah, and I really can’t figure out how it happened! I’ve been wearing pants everywhere I go…
–Prospect Park
White mom: Which kitty is your favorite?
Little girl holding book of baby animals: The black one!
Mom: The black one? He sure is a cute kitty.
Little girl, loudly: Once you go black, you never go back!
Passing thug, flashing her a thumbs-up: Word!
White mom: I don’t care what your father says, we are so moving to Westchester.
–Commodore Barry Park, Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Straightfaced, but barely
Middle school boy screaming to his father: Just because I like sausages–
Mom, interrupting: –Shhh…
–Brooklyn
Indian dude sitting outside laundromat: It wasn’t a baby! It wasn’t a real, white baby!
Blonde: It was a genuine baby!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Conductor: Attention, passengers, this J Train is now going express to Myrtle. You hear me? Express. Express! There is a local train right behind this one. This train is going express! [Mob of angry passengers exits train.] Psych! This is a local J Train to Manhattan. Next stop: Chauncey. Please enjoy the leg room brought to you by the New York City MTA.
–Broadway Junction Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: JRider
Middle-aged white lady: What are you trying to do? You are so rude! I can’t believe you! I am going to get you fired!
Clerk: [Silence.]Middle-aged white lady, to entire line: Can you believe these people? They are so rude! I can’t believe they are trying to short me my coffee! It’s unbelievable!
Young black man: Stop being so white.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Atlantic & 4th, Brooklyn
Crunchy-haired woman: She used to make peanut butter and jelly with cheese… PB and J with American cheese.
Tattoo guy: Ew, that is so messed up.
Crunchy-haired woman: Yeah, but anyways, I really got into it with this lady at my support group today. She said somethin’ I didn’t like.
Tattoo guy: What happened this time?
Crunchy-haired woman: It was about the cherry issue… She was gettin’ on my case because I ate some fuckin’ cherries. I’m like, ‘What the fuck? What’s the big deal? I have a thing for cherries and so what that I can’t have just one, I have to have a whole bag?’ Fuck, I ate a fucking bag of cherries, big deal. So she was getting on me, saying I was one of those people who doesn’t try to get better…
–Brooklyn
Man, about others yelling in street: Yo! This is just like reality TV, man!
Passerby: You mean reality is?
Man: Uh…
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Maggie
