Bimbette #1: So then I got a text from him this morning [shows friend text message]. I mean, who forgets if they have sex?
Bimbette #2: Haha… There’s not even a ‘hello’ or punctuation… Just ‘Did we have sex.’
Bimbette #1: I know!
Bimbette #2: Well, did you?
Bimbette #1: I’m not sure…
–Central Park
Dude #1: So, I went on that job interview today.
Dude #2: How did it go?
Dude #1: I don’t know — I didn’t step on the cat fast enough.
Dude #2: Yeah, that will kill ya.
–Central Park
Girl #1: I mean, who has sex without protection? I know I’d always use a condom… If I ever had sex, that is.
Girl #2: But you’d never have sex.
Girl #1: Yes… Abstinence is key!
–Central Park
Guy #1: Okay, so this news I have to tell you…
Guy #2: Yeah…
Guy #1: You’re the first one I’m telling, so don’t mention this to anyone yet — I wanna be the one to break the news to everyone. It’s big. And I don’t want this to change anything between us or the guys — I’m still the same James*. But it just feels right… I feel like it’s time.
Guy #2, looking very uncomfortable: Uh, dude…
Guy #1: I know, you’re gonna tell me I’m crazy. But I’ve actually been thinking about it for a long time [pulls velvet box out of jacket and opens it to reveal huge diamond ring].
Guy #2: Whoa, bro…
Guy #1: Dude… I’m gonna ask Danielle to marry me.
Guy #2: Oh, Jesus. Dude, that’s awesome — that’s really great! Wonderful! I’m so happy for you!
Guy #1, accepting huge hug from guy #2: Wow, dude, you’re really happy about this.
Guy #2: Bro, you have no idea what I thought you were gonna say.
–Park bench, Central Park
Overheard by: Highlight of my day
Girl: There’s no way that dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine.
Guy #1: It’s true. Dogs’ mouths are cleaner.
Girl: He was just licking his ass.
Guy #2: You should lick your ass. Maybe you’d be nicer [laughs].
Guy #1: Yeah! [High fives guy #2]. Seriously, though, I’ll lick your ass if you want.
Girl: You sicken me.
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Wrong place right time
Headline by: Jon A.
Runners-Up:
· “At Least Rover Licks My Ass with His Pinky Out Like a Gentleman.” – KMW
· “Central Park Zoo: The Human Exhibit” – SAtCW
· “I’m Not Hearing a “No”” – x halloween jack x
· “My Two Dads: 2007” – SAtCW
Queer #1: I wish Dennis would call me back… I really liked him, and I thought he liked me, too.
Queer #2: Of course he’s not going to call you! You met when you were in bed with him and his best friend!
–Central Park
Girl: Are you freaking kidding? We’ll get arrested!
British boy: No one gets mad at people with accents.
Girl: I don’t have an accent, in case you hadn’t noticed.
German boy in wheelchair: They can’t get mad at me! I’m foreign! And I can’t walk!
–Central Park
Man #1: Cops can get away with anything these days.
Man #2: Yeah, they could rape a raccoon if they wanted to.
–Central Park
Overheard by: raccoon assaulter
Nerdy chick picking dirt off shoe with fingernail: I wonder how I got all this mud on my shoe…
Nerdy boyfriend: That’s not mud; that’s dog shit.
Nerdy chick, horrified: How do you know?!
Nerdy boyfriend: I saw you step in it on our way over here.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Little girl: Daddy, who’s John Lennon?
Dad: I’ll explain it to you later.
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park West
Overheard by: David Males
