Central Park

We Can Keep Sleeping Together Though, Right?

Guy #1: Okay, so this news I have to tell you…
Guy #2: Yeah…
Guy #1: You’re the first one I’m telling, so don’t mention this to anyone yet — I wanna be the one to break the news to everyone. It’s big. And I don’t want this to change anything between us or the guys — I’m still the same James*. But it just feels right… I feel like it’s time.
Guy #2, looking very uncomfortable: Uh, dude…
Guy #1: I know, you’re gonna tell me I’m crazy. But I’ve actually been thinking about it for a long time [pulls velvet box out of jacket and opens it to reveal huge diamond ring].
Guy #2: Whoa, bro…
Guy #1: Dude… I’m gonna ask Danielle to marry me.
Guy #2: Oh, Jesus. Dude, that’s awesome — that’s really great! Wonderful! I’m so happy for you!
Guy #1, accepting huge hug from guy #2: Wow, dude, you’re really happy about this.
Guy #2: Bro, you have no idea what I thought you were gonna say.

–Park bench, Central Park

Overheard by: Highlight of my day

I Was Talking to Dave

Girl: There’s no way that dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine.
Guy #1: It’s true. Dogs’ mouths are cleaner.
Girl: He was just licking his ass.
Guy #2: You should lick your ass. Maybe you’d be nicer [laughs].
Guy #1: Yeah! [High fives guy #2]. Seriously, though, I’ll lick your ass if you want.
Girl: You sicken me.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Wrong place right time

Headline by: Jon A.

Runners-Up:
· “At Least Rover Licks My Ass with His Pinky Out Like a Gentleman.” – KMW
· “Central Park Zoo: The Human Exhibit” – SAtCW
· “I’m Not Hearing a “No”” – x halloween jack x
· “My Two Dads: 2007” – SAtCW

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

At the Gay Stereotype Convention

Queer #1: I wish Dennis would call me back… I really liked him, and I thought he liked me, too.
Queer #2: Of course he’s not going to call you! You met when you were in bed with him and his best friend!

–Central Park

Hitler: If Only I Had Thought of That!

Girl: Are you freaking kidding? We’ll get arrested!
British boy: No one gets mad at people with accents.
Girl: I don’t have an accent, in case you hadn’t noticed.
German boy in wheelchair: They can’t get mad at me! I’m foreign! And I can’t walk!

–Central Park

With Their Soft Fur and Surprisingly Dexterous Hands…

Man #1: Cops can get away with anything these days.
Man #2: Yeah, they could rape a raccoon if they wanted to.

–Central Park

Overheard by: raccoon assaulter

That, Plus the Lab Test

Nerdy chick picking dirt off shoe with fingernail: I wonder how I got all this mud on my shoe…
Nerdy boyfriend: That’s not mud; that’s dog shit.
Nerdy chick, horrified: How do you know?!
Nerdy boyfriend: I saw you step in it on our way over here.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

I Can Tell You Who He Was, but Not What He Meant

Little girl: Daddy, who’s John Lennon?
Dad: I’ll explain it to you later.

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park West

Overheard by: David Males

And, If You Do, Play Dead

Young girl: Are you okay? Are you okay?
Younger girl: [Nods.]Young girl: Do you wanna have fun? Do you wanna have fun?
Younger girl: Yeah.
Young girl: I have a hint for you: don’t fall down.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lauren Wurf

Remembrance of Things Pissed

Teen boy #1, pointing to a bush: That’s where we peed last time.
Teen boy #2: Really?

–Central Park

Isn’t That Why We Come Here?

Creepster #1: Jesus, all the people who come to the zoo smell like shit.
Creepster #2: Or maybe that’s just the zoo…

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Where is my deodorant?

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