Girlfriend: Was that cocaine on your toilet seat this morning?
Boyfriend: No, that was Gold Bond.
Girlfriend: Oh… Because I put some on my teeth just to check.
–42nd St & West Side Hwy
Girlfriend: Was that cocaine on your toilet seat this morning?
Boyfriend: No, that was Gold Bond.
Girlfriend: Oh… Because I put some on my teeth just to check.
–42nd St & West Side Hwy
Man: Okay, so here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to drive to Kim’s downtown. I’m going to pull up outside and give you 20 dollars, and you’re going to go in there and pick out whatever Nazi porn movie your little heart desires.
Chick with Hebrew tattoo: Any one I want? Even SS Experiment Love Camp, or is that one too gruesome?
Man: You pick. Any one you want. Anything my sexy girl wants.
Chick with Hebrew tattoo: Awesome! Thank you!
–112th & Broadway
Man, about inflatable rat across street: Look! They got that giant rat outside them. Nobody wants that rat.
Woman: Shit. That rat will fuck you up.
–47th & 6th
Wifey: There was another one! A dark-headed one with blonde hair!
Suit hubby: Wait… What?
–F train
Overheard by: Happy I’m not the Skunk Person
Chick: Please, please, please get these for me.
Guy: [Laughs, shakes his head.]Chick: I promise I’ll give it to you 10 times today.
Guy: I don’t need you to. I get it every day.
Chick: No, you don’t! You haven’t gotten it in a month!
–Sneaker store, 82nd & Roosevelt
Overheard by: Liza
Girlfriend: Great! My boyfriend doesn’t even know my last name.
Boyfriend: No, I do! It’s just…
–Lorimer & Metropolitan
Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in woman’s face.]Tough guy, to girlfriend: I’ll knock him out if he comes at me like that.
Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in tough guy’s face.]Tough guy: No, thank you, sir.
Girlfriend: You didn’t knock him out.
Tough guy: Yeah, I’m a pussy.
–14th & 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: I Would Have Punched Him
Girl on first date: I love animals.
Guy on first date: I love animals, too, but I see a snake and I’ll shoot it in the face.
–Union Square
Girl on first date: Are you texting someone?
Guy on first date: No, I’m just playing Tetris.
Girl on first date: Okay… You know what? I gotta go, it’s getting late.
–Sushi bar
Dude: I’m sorry. I feel like I’m talking too much.
Chick: It’s okay — I like to hear you talk.
Dude: Well, I like to hear you listen.
–9th & 2nd
