Male attorney: You’re wearing a dress? But you have to be in court today!
Female attorney: With as much respect as I have for the New York City supreme court judges, they’re lucky I’m wearing a dress. I should be wearing a… a… a bikini.
–Law office, Midtown
Fireman #1: You never hook me up!
Fireman #2: Uh…
Fireman #1: How many years have I known you, and you never once hooked me up?
Fireman #3: Well, that’s ’cause you’re disgusting.
–Fire Dept., Great Jones St
Building super #1: You seen that bird we got in the courtyard? That thing got a mad long beak.
Building super #2: It’s probably a woodpecker.
Building super #1: It ain’t no fuckin’ woodpecker! Someone need to call the ASPCA or some shit before that thing bite someone and give ’em bird flu or some shit!
–2 train, 14th St
Overheard by: Chuckell
Employee #1: So, if a nine-eleven happens, I need to stand across the park?
Employee #2: You gotta get away from tall buildings.
Employee #1: Hell, if a nine-eleven happens, I’m going to Long Island. Nobody cares about Long Island.
–Jamba Juice, 22nd & 5th
Male conductor over the speakers: This is the express train! Next stop: Roosevelt Avenue.
Female conductor over the speakers: Shit, this is the express?!
–E train, Queens Plaza station
Male employee: I need to take a crap.
Girl coworker: Thanks for sharing.
Male employee: I have been waiting, though.
Girl coworker: Why?
Male employee: Because after that the highlight of my work day is done.
–N Manhattan Ave
Coworker #1: Is it just me, or are the rats in New York getting smaller? Seriously!
Coworker #2: Maybe you’re just getting bigger.
–D train platform, Rockefeller Center
Girl holding tally sheet: Do you want to stick this in my thinger?
Male coworker: You’re lucky it’s me. In the real world–
Girl holding tally sheet: –In the real world people wouldn’t take it there.
–NYU SCPS
Overheard by: she’s lucky i’m gay
Shopgirl #1: T-shirt! Deep-fry your t-shirt, and then he’ll be all, ‘Mmm!’ and eat it off you!
Shopgirl #2: Yeah.
–Borders
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Junior analyst #1: I know this guy who is such a typical I-banker — works a hundred hours a week on Wall Street and spends the rest of his time on strippers and coke.
Junior analyst #2: That’s so ’80s!
Junior analyst #1: Totally ’80s!
–LaGuardia Delta shuttle
