Junkie girl: Hey… Can you watch my stuff? My friend is overdosing.
Drunk guy: Ummm, I guess…
Junkie girl: There’s a can of beans in it for you.
Drunk guy: Do you have a can opener?
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: C
Junkie girl: Hey… Can you watch my stuff? My friend is overdosing.
Drunk guy: Ummm, I guess…
Junkie girl: There’s a can of beans in it for you.
Drunk guy: Do you have a can opener?
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: C
Gaggle of drunk women to friend with tiara: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!
Wasted stranger dude: Happy biiirthday, dear whoever-the-fuck-you-are!
–C train
Overheard by: i sang along too
Snotty woman: Excuse me, your friend is throwing up. You need to do something about it.
Drunk girl: I didn’t throw up, I fucking spit.
Friend: Shhh… Just ignore her.
Drunk girl: No, she’s a bitch. I didn’t do anything. I want to spit on her.
Friend: No! Let’s go find another place to stand. [Drunk girl turns and spits on woman as she’s leaving.] I can’t believe you just did that! Walk faster before you get arrested!
–5th Ave
Drunk chick: Oh my god! Is AOL ‘America online’?
Friend: Ummm, yes.
Drunk chick: Holy crap!
Friend: What did you think it was?
Drunk chick: Who the fuck are you? And why do you want to sell me something, you dirty sloot?
Friend: I’m your friend, and you’re drunk.
Drunk chick: I am as sober as a cow.
Friend: What the hell?
Drunk chick: What does AOL stand for?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: noelle
Drunk girl sitting on empty, closed newsstand: Look boys! I’m news!
Suit passerby: Daily or weekly?
–16th & 5th
Drunk hipster #1: Hey, are you okay?
Drunk hipster #2, looking at girl in Houndstooth pattern coat: Yeah, I just didn’t realize how drunk I was until I started staring at that girl’s coat, and now I think I’m gonna throw up.
–Matchless Bar, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Drunk girl to couple making out: Whoa, get a room!
Boy, looking up and recognizing drunk girl: Hey! Wow! How have you been?
Drunk girl: Oh my god… And all this time I thought you were gay.
–59th & Lex
Drunk guy #1: Where’s Xavier from?
Drunk guy #2: I don’t know.
Drunk guy #1: Where’s Ohio state from?
–Tonic East
Overheard by: tom
Drunk girl: I ate two sausages tonight. Two!
Drunk friend: Oh my god!
Drunk girl: I don’t even eat sausages.
Drunk friend: Wow!
Drunk girl: They were the best sausages I ever had.
–29th & 9th
Dude #1: Do anything this weekend?
Dude #2: Yeah, went to my cousin’s wedding.
Dude #1: Open bar?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I don’t drink, ’cause I’m an alcoholic, so I only had a couple vodka tonics.
–Jacob Javits Convention Center
