Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!
–4 train
Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!
–4 train
Drunk guy: So, like, have you ever had to knock someone out?
Large bouncer: Not yet.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Drewster
Drunk girl #1: So, why did you spit on her?
Drunk girl #2: I don’t know. Oh my god, I spit on her?
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, you don’t remember?
Drunk girl #2: Hahaha, shit! Well, she must have deserved it. What’d she do?
Drunk girl #1: I don’t know. You said she was looking at your man.
Drunk girl #2: Well, fuck, then she deserved it. Where is she? I’ll spit on her again!
Sober girl: You just got on the train. You spit on me and I’ll fucking kill you.
–1 train
Drunk guy: Wait, you’re not going anywhere? [Off-duty cabbie shakes his head.] Hey, buddy, fuck you!
Cabbie: Thank you very much, sir.
–8th Ave
Drunk #1: Sometimes life gives you lemons.
Drunk #2: And sometimes you wake up in Weehawken with a four-foot bong on the floor next to you.
–Perdition, 49th & 10th
Overheard by: Argopelter
Drunk girl #1: This was a bad idea.
Drunk girl #2: What? Drinking?
Drunk girl #1: No. Living.
–Lower East Side
Junkie girl: Hey… Can you watch my stuff? My friend is overdosing.
Drunk guy: Ummm, I guess…
Junkie girl: There’s a can of beans in it for you.
Drunk guy: Do you have a can opener?
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: C
Gaggle of drunk women to friend with tiara: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!
Wasted stranger dude: Happy biiirthday, dear whoever-the-fuck-you-are!
–C train
Overheard by: i sang along too
Snotty woman: Excuse me, your friend is throwing up. You need to do something about it.
Drunk girl: I didn’t throw up, I fucking spit.
Friend: Shhh… Just ignore her.
Drunk girl: No, she’s a bitch. I didn’t do anything. I want to spit on her.
Friend: No! Let’s go find another place to stand. [Drunk girl turns and spits on woman as she’s leaving.] I can’t believe you just did that! Walk faster before you get arrested!
–5th Ave
Drunk chick: Oh my god! Is AOL ‘America online’?
Friend: Ummm, yes.
Drunk chick: Holy crap!
Friend: What did you think it was?
Drunk chick: Who the fuck are you? And why do you want to sell me something, you dirty sloot?
Friend: I’m your friend, and you’re drunk.
Drunk chick: I am as sober as a cow.
Friend: What the hell?
Drunk chick: What does AOL stand for?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: noelle
