Drunk NYU girl: So, what I’d really like to do is help the innocent… [Drunk friend laughs.] With, like, fireballs!
–Bowery & 4th
Overheard by: davis
Drunk NYU girl: So, what I’d really like to do is help the innocent… [Drunk friend laughs.] With, like, fireballs!
–Bowery & 4th
Overheard by: davis
Drunk guy: You know, in my next life time I want to be either reincarnated into a squirrel or into a tiny Mexican.
Drunk girl: What?! Why a tiny Mexican? Why not a tiny Asian or Caucasian?
Drunk guy: ‘Cause tiny Mexicans are awesome! They’re always funny, fit into small places, they work their asses off, and I can grow a cool mustache and get away with it! Why wouldn’t you want to be a tiny Mexican?!
–53rd & 9th
Overheard by: Javier
Headline by: R. Dilla
Runners-Up:
· “Because I Might Get Sucked Into the Leaf-blower” – bobofthejungle
· “Cause It’s Hard to Find Tiny Sombreros for Your Tiny Pepe” – Ninja Donkey
· “Plus I’d Get to Ride the Taco Bell Dog” – bob fredson
· “Plus Immigrating Via UPS Would Cost Less” – Ty
· “Regular-Sized INS Agents?” – nick
· “Yeah, but Guess What Else Is Tiny…” – Katy
Drunk black girl: I just wanna pull my tits out!
Drunk white girl: Not here. In Africa, fine, but not here.
–14th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Someone who’s sure they’ve never been to Africa.
Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!
–4 train
Drunk guy: So, like, have you ever had to knock someone out?
Large bouncer: Not yet.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Drewster
Drunk girl #1: So, why did you spit on her?
Drunk girl #2: I don’t know. Oh my god, I spit on her?
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, you don’t remember?
Drunk girl #2: Hahaha, shit! Well, she must have deserved it. What’d she do?
Drunk girl #1: I don’t know. You said she was looking at your man.
Drunk girl #2: Well, fuck, then she deserved it. Where is she? I’ll spit on her again!
Sober girl: You just got on the train. You spit on me and I’ll fucking kill you.
–1 train
Drunk guy: Wait, you’re not going anywhere? [Off-duty cabbie shakes his head.] Hey, buddy, fuck you!
Cabbie: Thank you very much, sir.
–8th Ave
Drunk #1: Sometimes life gives you lemons.
Drunk #2: And sometimes you wake up in Weehawken with a four-foot bong on the floor next to you.
–Perdition, 49th & 10th
Overheard by: Argopelter
Drunk girl #1: This was a bad idea.
Drunk girl #2: What? Drinking?
Drunk girl #1: No. Living.
–Lower East Side
