Very drunk girl: I just want to punch you in the fucking face right now.
Sober friend: Oh, no! Don’t do that!
Very drunk girl: Okay, I’ll just kiss you ever so gently on the face instead.
–43rd & 9th
Overheard by: Panoli
Very drunk girl: I just want to punch you in the fucking face right now.
Sober friend: Oh, no! Don’t do that!
Very drunk girl: Okay, I’ll just kiss you ever so gently on the face instead.
–43rd & 9th
Overheard by: Panoli
Drunk queer #1: I can’t stand the fucking bitch! I shouldn’t have to sneak you up there! Oooh, we could try it between those buildings!
Drunk queer #2: That’ll show her!
–16th & 6th
Overheard by: Hoping they don’t decide to show me….
Drunk girl: We’re totally those 20-something assholes that are drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drunk friend: It’s Wednesday, you dumbass!
Sober friend: Um, it’s Thursday!
–14th & 5th, Park Slope
Drunk student, after stumbling down the aisle: Where’s the bathroom? Where’s the bathroom?!
Guy in next row to girl beside him: I don’t think we’re the only ones who came to the play drunk.
–Collins Theater, Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Drunk NYU girl: So, what I’d really like to do is help the innocent… [Drunk friend laughs.] With, like, fireballs!
–Bowery & 4th
Overheard by: davis
Drunk guy: You know, in my next life time I want to be either reincarnated into a squirrel or into a tiny Mexican.
Drunk girl: What?! Why a tiny Mexican? Why not a tiny Asian or Caucasian?
Drunk guy: ‘Cause tiny Mexicans are awesome! They’re always funny, fit into small places, they work their asses off, and I can grow a cool mustache and get away with it! Why wouldn’t you want to be a tiny Mexican?!
–53rd & 9th
Overheard by: Javier
Headline by: R. Dilla
Runners-Up:
· “Because I Might Get Sucked Into the Leaf-blower” – bobofthejungle
· “Cause It’s Hard to Find Tiny Sombreros for Your Tiny Pepe” – Ninja Donkey
· “Plus I’d Get to Ride the Taco Bell Dog” – bob fredson
· “Plus Immigrating Via UPS Would Cost Less” – Ty
· “Regular-Sized INS Agents?” – nick
· “Yeah, but Guess What Else Is Tiny…” – Katy
Drunk black girl: I just wanna pull my tits out!
Drunk white girl: Not here. In Africa, fine, but not here.
–14th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Someone who’s sure they’ve never been to Africa.
Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!
–4 train
Drunk guy: So, like, have you ever had to knock someone out?
Large bouncer: Not yet.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Drewster
