Not-very-smooth guy to attractive woman at bar: I just want to see it! I promise I won't touch your vagina.

Tallahassee, Florida

Chick #1, to class: Sorry I stink. I just got back from soccer practice.
Chick #2: That’s okay. My cat peed on my shirt before I left the house.

Palm Bay, Florida

Four-year-old boy, singing: I’m gonna piss in your mouth, I’m gonna piss on your head…
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.

Publix grocery store

Overheard by: Amused yet appalled

Guy: It was mostly about fucking goats, but I also learned a lot about libel law.

Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Nick

Anthropology teacher: All women are beautiful, whether they're tall and skinny or not. Including female Sasquatch.


20-ish girl #1: Yeah, I was called ‘Sweet Pea’ all the time when I was little.
20-ish girl #2: To this day my dad calls me ‘Peanut.’
Fat lady nearby, to no one: Yeah, I got a nickname, too. They call me ‘Jiggly Puff.’

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida

Overheard by: I can’t imagine why.

Guy reading iPhone: IT sez here some gal in Fort Meyers was arrested and later found to have a knife hidden in her vagina.
Friend: I could go with that…

Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Café con leche

Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?

High School
Coral Springs, Florida

Girl #1: It was the size of a Double-A battery.
Girl #2: Best sex ever, right?
Girl #1, shamefully: I don’t know what’s wrong with me!

Miami, Florida

Guy: If someone was legally blind, it would be really hard for them to see in here.

Revenge of the Mummy ride, Universal Studios
Orlando, Florida