Girl #1: Oh my gosh, this is so cool.
Girl #2: I know. [Smiles.]Girl #1: Thanks for bringing me here, I love you. I am so glad I became a lesbian, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have met you!
Girl #2: Aww, thanks. Do you want to go to my apartment now?
Girl #1: Yes! Let’s go. Are we going to have fun like we did last night?
Girl #2: Even more, baby.
–M&M Store, Times Square
Hobo to young woman holding coffee cup: How can you be happy? There's no vodka in that cup!
Young woman: How do you know?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ashley
Asian nerd #1: Neutrons!
Asian nerd #2: … Subatomic particles!
Asian nerd #3: Velocity times speed equals… Power! [all start cheering and high-fiving one another.]
–Park Ave & 23rd St
Overheard by: …not very science-y
Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Ladle
Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.
–Staten Island Ferry
Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.
–Downtown B Train
Overheard by: Pola
Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!
–F Train from Queens
Overheard by: Tina K
Old man looking around and spotting banner for pasta store: Paaaasssttttaaaaaa…
Old man's wife, happily: Pasta! That says pasta!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: I prefer pizza
20-something bum: Excuse me, miss, can I please have a cigarette?
Young woman smoking: Sure.
20-something bum: Thank you so much. I just took a huge hit of heroin and a cigarette after is the balls.
Young woman smoking: Well, happy trails!
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Girl #1: Why does it seem like everyone in California gets married so young?
Girl #2: Because they're all hippie and happy and love each other and stuff… That's why we moved to New York.
–Lafayette & Houston
Gentleman #1: Yeah I saw that girl.
Gentleman #2: Yeah I know, she was as happy as a parking meter!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Max
Dad: So, your school called today, honey, and do you know what they said?
Six-year-old girl: No, what?
Dad: That they have to check everyone in your class tomorrow for lice!
Six-year-old girl: Hoorayyyyyy!!
–West 4th St Platform
Overheard by: Jess
Blond girl: So how are things with you and the boy?
Redheaded friend: I'm so happy I could shit a puppy!
–G Train
Overheard by: Rachel
