Guy to girlfriend: It doesn’t matter what we do! It’s pervert weekend!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: melissa

Girl walking with two guys: I’m going to teabag you! …I’m so glad I know what that means now!

Pullman, Washington

Overheard by: Rachel

Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that’s true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen… like bread.


Overheard by: MoMo

Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Lecturer: People who are happy, hopeful, and relaxed… are a pain in the ass.

New Zealand

Girl: I was having a bad day, so he put me in some predicament bondage to try to cheer me up.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: fetishgirl

Emo chick: So then she glared at me. In a mean way, not a happy way.
Normal looking boyfriend: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Emo chick: Huh?
Normal looking boyfriend: You know, I just don't think this is going to work out.
Emo chick: Wait. You're breaking up with me? Here? Why?
Normal looking boyfriend: Well, I wasn't planning on it, but honey, you didn't like Watchmen and you've never read or seen The Princess Bride. Clearly we're just two very different people.

Flagstaff, Arizona

Overheard by: nayvera

Morbidly obese man: It’s like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.

Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: Andrea

30-something woman to 20-something woman: I had a crush–a psychotic crush–on Viggo Mortensen, and only you would understand. I hallucinated that he read me poetry!

Norman, Oklahoma

Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I’m gonna be late for work… What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nic