Headline Contest Winners

Little girl on bathroom line: Mommy, let’s go in that one.
She points to the men’s room
Mother: No honey, that one is for boys. You can’t go in there until you’re 25 and at a bar and you really have to go.

–Panorama, 85th and 2nd

Headline by: Michael Johns

Runners-Up:

· “Hoochie-mama Knows Best” – senzanome

· “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” – William Levy

· “Daddy Always Lets Me” – David Kafrissen

· “Drew Barrymore at the E.T. Wrap Party” – Marc

· “Old enough to pee, good enough for me” – Big Jacobi

· “Ah, the natural desire to return to your place of conception” – MarcusJ

· “Mind Your Pees And Queues” – Dave Barnette

· “This life lesson brought to you by Bacardi” – RyRy

Honorable mentions:

· “…. And he’s really good looking, or he has coke” – Ryan

· “It’s also OK if you’re dragged” – Steve Estes

· “Don’t forget to put the seat back up when you’re done.” – Deek

· “Therapist session (retroactive)” – noa

· “Passing the Torch” – Jessy B

· “Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden” – M. Walker

· “Barfly: Generations” – Derek L.

· “Paris Hilton’s First, And Last, Babysitting Gig” – John P.

· “Never To Early To Have Penis Envy” – Brian Drew

· “Void Where Prohibited” – Dave Barnette

· “Or completely out of money” – Natalie

· “How to raise a winner” – Adina C

· “Because that’s how you’ll get respect, honey” – Amanda

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Girl: Is he gay or just Scottish?
Guy: Scottish.

–29th & 7th

Overheard by: Mike Chmiel
Headline by: cdogg Davis

Runners-Up:
· “Aye, What Do Ye Mean, “Just” Scottish?!” – Tim
· “He Could Be Gay On His Mother’s Side” – Dave Barnette
· “But he runs like a Welshman” – Todd
· “Braveheart: The Director’s Cut” – Sam Donsky
· “Larry, Queen of Scots” – Dennis
· “He has a queer accent…” – kenton
· “Have any Scottish in you?” – lizzie
· “Love that wiggle when you walk away” – sumbum
· “It’s funny because it’s true” – this guy
· “He was just Scottish in college” – me
· “The sheep aren’t safe either way” – Chris Crossland
· “The Ambiguity between European and Homosexual Continues….” – Rebecca O
· “Failure to recognize the intersection of overlapping sets prepares to claim two more victims” – Trey Givens
· “French Men Can Now Relax” – Jaffney Roode
· “That’s no way to talk about your mayor. And besides, he’s Jewish.” – Yehuda Berlinger

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Dude: I’d like to invite you to take part in my new venture. I call it Kebabes.
Chick: What is it?
Dude: It’s like a kebab joint but with sexy ladies.

–In line at Quo, 28th & 10th

Overheard by: Anisha & Meg
Headline by: Laura C

Runners-Up:
· But She’s Already Working at Falafellatio – Momolo
· Not for Humusexuals – ndsd1

Honorable Mentions:
· Well, It’s Better Than Kebabies – Matthew H
· Insert Skewer Joke Here….. – Tim White
· That’s Just Falawful – Chris Cunnyngham
· Turkish Delight! – Hobo Whisperer
· They’ve Got Great Hummus, Too – Anonymous
· Meat Marketing? – Xana
· I Knew I Looked Succulent Today… – Sarah

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Young teen boy: She obviously must wear push-up bras, cause sometimes it's big and sometimes it's smaller!
Young teen girl: I wore push-up bras in like, 5th grade. But once you start wearing them you can't stop, cause then everyone will know! But I don't need them anymore, I caught up.

–F Train

Overheard by: TheKatiedidntwearpushupsin5thgrade…

Headline by: Fresca

Runners-Up:
· “But I’m Still Wearing Pull-Ups Panties” – JohnnyB
· “No Boobies Left Behind Is Working Splendidly for American Youth” – rachel
· “Overheard at Dolly Parton Junior High School” – Vasyl
· “Somewhere There’s a Salvation Army Stocked with Wonderbras…” – RaRa
· “What You Call “Catching Up” Everyone Else Calls “Augmentation Surgery”” – If I can touch em.

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Philosophy professor: So you can see how the The Lord of the Rings did have some truths in it. Now, what was the ring called again, didn't it have a name or something? What was that?
Student, seriously: The precious.

–Fordham Lincoln Center

Headline by: Anna M

Runners-Up:
· “And, for Extra Credit: “What Has It Got in Its Pocketses?”” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Filthy Stupid Studentses!!!” – Parker
· “I Just Gollum Like I See ’em.” – sp
· “No, I Meant Its Elven Name” – MLL
· “The Professors Like Them Raw and Wriggling Here” – Alex
· “The Rest Of the Class Just Had to Learn to Tolerate the Smell Of Dead Fish and Dirty Loincloth” – James

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White woman: Hi, are you Jermaine?
White male nurse: Do I look like a Jermaine to you?

–ER, Columbia Presbyterian

Overheard by: Ann

Headline by: Jared Rizzi

Runners-Up:
· “He’s Already Calling Himself Jasmine Before the Sex-Change Has Even Started.” – johnny-G
· “I’m Michael, Dammit!” – davey j.
· “My Name Tag Clearly Reads “Michael Jackson: Pediatrics”” – Matt T.
· “No, But How Many Male Nurses Are on Staff Here?” – Mike Duh Medic
· “You Look More Like an Asshole, but I Thought I’d Give You the Benefit Of the Doubt” – I never win

Click here to see the new Headline Contest