Boyfriend holding up slutty top: What about this one?
Girlfriend: If you were a girl you’d be the biggest skank in New York.
–Charlotte Russe, Manhattan Mall, 33rd & 6th
Headline by: Scott
Runners-Up:
· “And knock the Statue of Liberty right off that pedestal.” – LORI
· “But at least it flatters my man-boobs” – Andrew
· “I learned from the best” – Breanne S.
· “Putting the “Ho” back in “Homeboy”” – cinekat
· “What She Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Her” – Alison R.
Girlfriend: You could just be gay.
Boyfriend: I don’t want to be gay! I just wanna be a woman.
–Houston & Lafayette
Headline by: Paul S
Runners-Up:
· “‘Cause surgery is easier than coming out” – Becky
· “Be All You Can’t Be” – Mike D
· “Cant have a man-made pussy and eat it, too” – N. Delwood
· “Career day counselors never know what to expect” – peter
· “It’s all pillow fights and boobies ’til you start PMSing.” – mthy
· “Michael Jackson’s Cosmetic Surgery Consultation Gets Hostile” – kane, okc
· “The long-awaited yet unanticipted answer to ‘Tell me what you want, what you really, really want'” – cinekat
· “Transexual does not a homosexual make” – i like men too
· “Vaginas: The Consolation Prize” – sh
· “Your Phantom Limb Will Still Want To Stem The Rose” – elrobinder
Concerned male friend: Well, aren't you afraid of gettin' like, an STD or something? Don't you use condoms?
Confused teen girl: Well, we did the first few times, but then we didn't. I mean, he's been coming inside me for like a year now and nothin' ever happened. (points to belly, implying she's pregnant)
Concerned male friend: And how old is he again? How old are you?
Confused teen girl: He's 18. I'm 16–almost 17.
Concerned male friend: Damn, I don't know. This is fucked up. What you gonna do when you wanna go out? Like with your friends and shit.
Confused teen girl: I'll take my baby with me!
–E Train
Headline by: Erica Neumann
Runners-Up:
· “$5 Says You Guys Don’t Get a Single Non-Palin Headline on This One” – twoferrets
· “Ju No What I’m Talking About?” – Barry P.
· “My Breast-milk Is Gonna Be, Like, Fifty Percent Jägermeister…” – Who Doesn’t Love A Drunken Infant?
· “That Thing Is Gonna Need One Hell Of a Fake I.D.” – MJP
· “There’s a Bristol Palin Joke Here Somewhere…” – S-Train
· “You Know, Like One Of Those Elmo Backpacks?” – All by myself.
Chick leaving bar to friend: That's it, I have given up on New York men!
Guy in Yankees shirt: Hey! Don't judge us by guys from Queens.
–Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Mike H
Headline by: Nicola
Runners-Up:
· “…but by Our Slick Taste in T-Shirts!” – Ijudgeyou
· “His Argument Would Carry More Weight If He Wasn’t Peeing Against a Brick Wall at the Time” – James
· “It’s Like Judging Americans by George Bush” – Allison
· “Just by Guys Who Hang Out in Queens” – From Brooklyn
· “Otherwise You’d All Be Lesbians” – Katie Darling
· “There Are Four More Boroughs Waiting to Disappoint You” – AngusM
JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m going to cut that phase in my life.
–NYU
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Headline by: Still got my original nose.
Runners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the Inside Of My Thigh” – Tadzio
· “I Realized I Can Keep the Sense Of Entitlement Without All That Extra Work.” – stoobydoo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Already….” – Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writing My Autobiography Later Today” – Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slutty and Need an Abortion” – Casual Observer
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” – Chris
Average Joe: Short people are insufferable!
Shorter friend: Tell me about it!
–Bleecker St & Carmine St
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Headline by: Jane
Runners-Up:
· “…And They Have Limited Vocabularies and Will Agree With Anything” – Bob
· “I Thought I Just Did.” – Katie
· “That Scene From “The Wizard Of Oz” Was Like Hell on Earth!” – space coyote
· “To Be Fair, He Did Reply in That High-Pitched Cackle” – Kenneth
· “Tom Cruise Is Refreshingly Self-Aware” – Meg
Professor: When vassals would take an oath of loyalty they would kneel in front of the king and put their hands like this [puts hands in prayer position]. Now, what does this look like?
Student: A vagina?
Professor: No! Praying! It looks like praying!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Marina C
Headline by: belle
Runners-Up:
· “Either way, it helps to kneel.” – Lindsey
· “From The Da Vinci Code’s deleted scenes.” – nick
· “In a refreshing move from the anus, today’s headline contest is brought to you by the vagina. That’s right, Overheard in New York is wiping back-to-front.” – erak
· “Now Get Your Cock Up In This” – B.M.D.
· “Okay, maybe a LITTLE prayer in schools wouldn’t hurt” – space coyote
· “Putting the Pussy on a Pedestal” – Clof
Ghetto wannabe #1: Yo’ rhymes are so lame it’s like you took the cosine.
Ghetto wannabe #2: You so poor you go fishin’ for dimes.
–Woodhaven, Queens
Overheard by: drendar
Headline by: Against Marj
Runners-Up:
· “Bill and Hillary Prepare for Next Year’s Video Music Awards” – DoubleJ
· “Cosine? Like from Nigganometry?” – Big Larry
· “E = MC Hammer Squared” – Christina
· “M.C. Tangent and D.J. Non-Sequitur.” – SandmanEsq
· “My rhymes are so hype I can divide by zero, Burnin’ down the ghetto like my name is Nero” – mk
· “Whitey got no algorithm” – Charlie
· “Why Pythagorus never got sined.” – Julie Baber
· “Yo’ so dumb you only know pi to 3.14159” – arielle
Thug: So, if I’m half black and half American Indian, that makes me Puerto Rico.
Thugette: I told you that you was Puerto Rican.
–149th & 3rd, Bronx
Headline by: Mariya
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, it makes you unemployed” – Mr. Bone
· “Bitch, don’t be callin’ me no adjectival form!” – was “rico”/”rican” the first thing you noticed too?
· “Dora the Explorer: South Bronx Edition” – Scott
· “Runs With Hookers didn’t excel in Ethnic Studies” – bri b
· “The new theory of relativity” – sara swank
Long Island girl: 42nd St is where there is lots of prostitution, right?
Female friend: What?
Long Island girl: Yeah, I thought I heard that 42nd St was where all the prostitutes were?
Female friend: Ummm…that's like Times Square. It's a major touristy spot.
Male friend: Maybe there's an occasional strip club?
Long Island girl: Oh my god, I really want to go to a strip club–I've never been to one before!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Amused
Headline by: 1310 (formerly SNA)
Runners-Up:
· “As the Economic Crisis Worsens, Margie Becomes Increasingly Desperate for a Job.” – Carla
· “I Thought Mass Tourism WAS Whoring Yourself Out ?” – Cass
· “If Parents Don’t Have the Sex Industry Talk, Someone Else Will” – space coyote
· “Long Islanders and Tourists Have Become One.” – Fresca
· “That’s How They Get New Recruits” – Skwerl!
