Teen girl #1: She was like a fucking sausage.
Teen girl #2: Yeah?
Teen girl #1: Yeah.
Teen girl #2: What a bitch.
–Duane Reade, Bronx
Teen girl #1: She was like a fucking sausage.
Teen girl #2: Yeah?
Teen girl #1: Yeah.
Teen girl #2: What a bitch.
–Duane Reade, Bronx
Drunk girl: It’s like we’re the same person!
Suit: Except you’re four inches shorter, thirty pounds heavier, and a dumbass!
–Times Square
Man #1: It seems my first wife put my name down on a job application as a reference.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? How do you know?
Man #1: Somebody called me yesterday and asked, ‘Can you tell us something about her?’
Man #2: What did you say?
Man #1: I said, ‘She can’t cook and she’s lousy in bed! As long as the job don’t require that, I guess she’d be good.’
Man #2: What an idiot!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Allison
Tourist kid: Look! The Empire State Building!
Tourist mom: Where? I don’t see it.
tourist kid: The big, pointy one!
Tourist mom: Oooh, let’s take a picture!
Passerby: That’s the Chrysler Building, you fucking niggers.
–Outside NYC Public Library
Overheard by: johnny salami
10-year-old girl: Mommy, when I grow up, do you still have to follow me everywhere?
Mom: No.
10-year-old girl: Yesss!
–M101 bus
Overheard by: FRAIS
Professor: … And who doesn’t want to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer?!
Girl: I don’t.
Professor: Well, fine. You’re a freak.
–NYU
Four-year-old: Daddy, what’s that?
Dad: It’s a siren. Are you serious? What’s wrong with you?
–6th Ave
Overheard by: Sarahcasm
Latina chick, in Spanish, after Korean tourist trips into her: Listen, you son of a bitch — don’t touch me, you faggot! You get me, asshole?!
Friend: Haha, babe, like this asshole understands what you’re saying?
Korean tourist, in Spanish: I lived in Puerto Rico for two years.
Latina chick, in English: Oh, word? What part?
–A train
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Fat woman, panting: Slow down! I can’t run in these heels.
Thin woman: You can’t run in that ass.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: invid
Father, dragging four-year-old daughter across street: Come on! [Little girl trips.] Oh!
Mother, from behind: What happened?
Father: She wasn’t paying attention!
Mother: Sarah, this is what happens when you’re eating your shirt and looking the wrong way! You smack into the curb!
–E 15th & Irving Pl
