Guy: Happy New Year’s, ladies!
Girl #1: Yeah, you too.
Guy: Your face is funny!
Girl #2: What? Fuck you!
Guy: I said, the face you made is funny!
Girl #2: Oh…
Guy: Butt-munch!
–Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Guy: Happy New Year’s, ladies!
Girl #1: Yeah, you too.
Guy: Your face is funny!
Girl #2: What? Fuck you!
Guy: I said, the face you made is funny!
Girl #2: Oh…
Guy: Butt-munch!
–Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Girl #1: She’s a neo-con Barbie doll! She’s worse than Ann Coulter.
Girl #2: Not possible.
Girl #1: No, really.
Girl #2: So she’s Dick Cheney with boobs?
–Mercer & Grand
Girl #1: No, no, no. That girl is just plain ugly. [Girl #1 falls flat on her face.]Girl #2: Ummm… sorry. I don’t want to be a bitch, but I think that’s what they call karma.
–Columbia University
Middle-aged man with suitcases: So, where’s the airport, honey?
Russian chick: Oh my god. Oh my god.
Middle-aged wife: What? Newark Airport?
Russian chick: This isn’t the airport, slut!
–Port Authority
Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.
–TKTS station, Times Square
Old man: I may be one of the richest men in the world, but everyone thinks I’m an idiot.
Arm candy: Oh, no! You’re not an idiot. You’re an idiot savant!
–Maloney & Porcelli, 50th St
Overheard by: Jon G.
Little boy: If you fell down and I saved you, would you love me?
Little girl: Nigga, please — I don’t want yo’ dirty-ass hands touchin’ my dress.
–B train
Overheard by: LSB
Clerk: Ma’am, you did not order an onion bagel.
Biotech: Yes, I did. You’re wrong.
Clerk: Let me read back your order. [Does so.]Biotech: Look, I said you’re wrong. You’re wrong and you’re ugly!
–875 3rd Ave
Barista, mumbling under her breath: Just because you have to catch your damn bus…
Hurried customer, handing over credit card: Grande Caramel Macchiato [walks away from counter].
Barista: Sir, don’t you want your card back?
Hurried customer: Oh, you can keep it. Don’t you want to go to Bergdorf?
Barista: [Blank stare.]Hurried customer: You know — Bergdorf Goodman in Midtown. Expensive designer stuff!
Barista: I have enough credit — I don’t need your friggin’ card.
–Starbucks, Park Row & Beekman
Overheard by: compnerd aka
Tiny lady suit staring at stairs, to no one in particular: I wish someone would just carry me up…
Huge, burly guy: I’ll carry you.
Tiny lady suit: Ew! Gross!
–E station, 7th Ave
