Guy: I’m exhausted as fuck.
Chick: Good for you.
Guy: Shut up, you twunt.
Chick: Did you just try to combine ‘twat’ and ‘cunt’?
Guy: Some of my friends created it.
Chick: No wonder it’s retarded. It completely takes away from both insults, which are perfectly functional and to the point by themselves.
Guy: You’re such a little bitch.
–181st & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: LSB
Woman passerby: Come on, you fucking tourists! Get a life! It’s only a fucking cupcake!
Girl in line, mockingly: Oh my god, you’re making such an important social statement!
Old lady in line: Seriously, it’s not our fault she’s a fat bitch.
–Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker St
Overheard by: KO
JAP #1: I can’t believe I’m doing this for her. I mean, she doesn’t even like me.
JAP #2: She doesn’t like you? Why?
JAP #1: Because I’m a slut.
JAP #2: Oh, yeah…
–East Village
Overheard by: Miss J
Dude: You’re such a slut!
Chick: How does leaving town make me a slut?
Dude: Uh, I was talking about your door-to-door nut-slapping service.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Danielle is hot!
Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: That guy on the F Train
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.
Biotech: Like, the only reason I like living in Brooklyn is because everyone’s a mess, so it makes me so feel normal, you know?
Friend: Yeah.
–E 77th, between 2nd & 3rd
Biotech: Mary, go fuck yourself!
Mary: I… I don’t know how.
–Grand & Roebling, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jordan Cooper
Queer: There are a lot of young kids out there learning how to spell ‘glamorous,’ and that makes me real happy.
–Canal Jeans Co
Queer to tourist: You’re from Minnesota? My ex’s father was a senator from Minnesota. I went there once to meet him… I forget his name, but what we did was very taboo.
–Prince St
Queer to another: Don’t nudge me, you lesbian.
–Line for he Cyclone, Coney Island
Queer to boyfriend: You remind me of this autistic kid I worked with once.
–Park Ave
Overheard by: Katey
Queer on cell, perusing baked goods: I want a muffin. Do you want a muffin? This whole courtroom wants a muffin!
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: admittedly amused
B&T girl #1, about rowdy drunk lady who left car: Oh my god, that woman was on crack.
B&T girl #2: I know, right?!
B&T girl #1: She was, like, 40 years old and reeking of midlife crisis.
–C train
Man: Is she serious? Is this broad serious?
Hipster chick who bumped into him: You talkin’ to me?
Man: Yeah, lady, I am talkin’ to you!
Hipster chick: Hey, buddy, as if your fat ass doesn’t bump into people everywhere you go.
Man: Well, actually, if my ass was half as big as yours, I bet it would!
Hipster chick: You only wish you had my ass.
Man: Yeah, you’re right. [Pauses, then gets noticeably calmer] Good thing you’re from New York or I’d have to kick you in the face.
Hipster chick: I’m not from New York. I’m from Toronto.
Man: Where is that, Antarctica?! Get outta my face!
–2 train, CPW
Overheard by: ginger balls
