Girl crying on doorstep: Just leave so I can live my life!
Guy friend: I would, but I don’t think I should leave you. If anything, you should leave me so I know you’re okay.
Girl: That’s the gayest, most ’80s thing I’ve ever heard! [Guy, laughing hysterically, gets up and walks away.]Guy friend: Bravo — that was the best insult I’ve ever heard in my life!
–8th & Ave C
Giant black man holding hands with tiny son: Yo, you only four years old — you dunno what’s up!
Tiny boy: I’m three!
Giant black man: See? You don’t even know how old you are!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Hannah
Girl: I’m so glad you’re moving in with us.
Queer: Me, too. I was talking to my roommate the other day — the one I hate — and she was like, ‘I feel like once you move out I’ll never see you and we won’t hang out anymore.’ And I was just thinking, ‘Bitch, when I move out, you’re coming off my MySpace! You was just a pity add!’
–Central Park
White guy, about pretty black chick passerby: Yo, why do black girls always look at you but not me?
Black guy: Same reason why you piss close to the urinal and I gotta stand a foot away.
–35th & 6th
Overheard by: Hispanic guy who stands 8 inches away
Guy: You’re getting fat.
Girl: You’re just saying that ’cause you’re getting fat.
Guy: No way. You’ve definitely put on weight.
Girl: You can’t say shit like that to a woman.
Guy: You’re not a woman, you’re my sister.
–Houston & Lafayette platform
Queer #1: Christians are the most vile creatures on this planet.
Queer #2: Shhh… They’ll hear you!
–13th St, between Greenwich & 7th Ave
Chick #1: Earl Warren was a schmuck.
Chick #2: Yeah, he was.
Chick #1: Plus, he looked like Admiral Ackbar.
–Taxi, West Side Hwy
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Hipster girl #1: I’ve never seen a fat midget.
Hipster girl #2: Oh, god, who would ever want to see a fat midget?! I’m sure they don’t exist.
–1st Ave, between 12th & 13th St
Overheard by: rpk
Fat guy: I love you.
Cute girl: Do you really mean what you say, or are you just saying it?
Fat guy: Of course I mean it. [They make out, then chick leaves.] What a dumb bitch.
–W4 station
Overheard by: Ting
Five-year-old boy: Your life is bad. Your life is bad. Your life is bad! Your life is bad. Your life is bad…
Father: Reeves!
–3 train
