Little girl: Guess what I’m wearing?
Mom’s friend: What?
Little girl: Underwear!
–Bagel Boys
Little girl: Guess what I’m wearing?
Mom’s friend: What?
Little girl: Underwear!
–Bagel Boys
Conductor: This is West Fourth Street. Transfer is available to the A, C, E, F, and V trains.
Four-year-old girl: Mommy, he doesn’t sing his ABCs right.
Mom: That’s because he didn’t go to college.
–A train
Small girl’s voice from inside tube: Repeat, I have the prisoner, over.
–McDonald’s playland, 69th & Metro, Queens
Little girl: Mommy, there are no good stones in this city anymore.
–79th & 5th
Little girl, proudly: Mommy, I found this on the floor of the supermarket, so I put it in my mouth.
–Waldbaum’s Supermarket, Sheepshead Bay
Little girl swinging around a receipt: I don’t have to pay taxes! Taaax-esss.
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wishing I didnt have to either
Mom to young boy being polite to strangers: Come on, Christopher! Let’s go! People can hold the door open for themselves!
–Barnes & Noble, 7th Ave, Brooklyn
Mom to little son: You think you can do whatever you want?! You came outta my pussy, I sure as hell didn’t come outta yours!
–Magic Johnson Theater, Harlem
Angry dad pulling five-year-old son away from ‘Imagine’ circle: That’s for John Lennon, not for you!
–John Lennon Memorial, Central Park
Overheard by: For Cereal.
Angry mother to six-year-old girl: Kids get murdered! Kids get raped! Life is not free!
–125th St station, 4/5/6 platform
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Father to three-year-old son: You pinky-promised you wouldn’t act like a bastard!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Y G B S M
Mom with screaming kids: Come over here! Come over here and pick out which soap you want, because it’s going in your mouth!
–D’Agostino
Overheard by: dank
Mother to four-year-old son: Rodney! Leave that lady alone. She don’t want you. [Grabs son’s arm] I should have read the fine print when I adopted you.
–Jerome & Clinton
Little girl: Mommy, can we steal these?
Mother: Not today.
–N train
Overheard by: Shannon
Headline by: chris s.
Runners-Up:
· “Daddy and Timmy Take Mondays” – torqued
· “Monday’s Child Is Fair Of Face, Tuesday’s Child Robs the Place” – h
· “Remember, Rape First, Then Pillage.” – Kristen
· “Today, Mommy’s Going to Teach You How to Turn Tricks!” – jane
· “We’re Just Casing The Joint Today, Sweetie” – Paul K.
· “When Winona Learned Not to Ask” – Tory
· “Would You Pay Attention to the Calendar I Gave You?” – sr86
Boy #1, reading from art textbook: ‘They also built pleasure palaces’?!
Girl: What? Lemme see!
Boy #2, laughing with the others: Yeah, alliterations. They get me every time.
Boy #1: Um, we were actually referring more to the sexual innuendo.
Boy #2: … I think alliterations are funny.
Girl: Freak.
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: you haven’t seen her around similes
Mom: Sit down!
Eight-year-old daughter, dancing: No! Someday I’m going to make lots of money dancing!
–Canarsie-bound L train
Little girl: I like hitting my head against my daddy’s bottom!
Dad, shocked but chuckling: Oh… Well… Honey… Those conversations are left for at home…
Lady: Yeah, I really didn’t need to hear that.
–Water St
Toddler, pointing out window: Bitch!
Grandmother: Bridge. It’s a bridge.
Toddler: Bitch!
–F train
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Little girl: Daddy, who’s John Lennon?
Dad: I’ll explain it to you later.
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park West
Overheard by: David Males
