Drunken friend: That looks like the place to be! I’m going in that room.
Sober friend: Dude, that’s a mirror.
–Rivington & Clinton
Drunken friend: That looks like the place to be! I’m going in that room.
Sober friend: Dude, that’s a mirror.
–Rivington & Clinton
Late-20’s professional #1: Aw, I miss being a ho-bag.
Late-20’s professional #2: I know, me too. And I was so good at it!
–Starbucks, Broadway & Barclay
Overheard by: Sarah Vanderbilt
Woman on cell: No, I mean, whatever. I cried for that baby when it died and all. Shit! I even went to its funeral and the damn thing wasn’t even born! Who the fuck has a funeral for a baby that wasn’t even born?…Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is, I’m sure as hell not going to a birthday party for a baby whose funeral I went to a year ago. That is fucking morbid…and they had better not be expecting presents.
–14th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Laura Mathis
Girl on cell: Wait, was this the eating disorder cousin or the crack dealer cousin?…Oh, she’s having a baby? Wow, I hope it doesn’t die.
–Waverly & University
Asian chick: Like you’ve ever even seen a baby prostitute.
–56th between 5th & 6th
Guy: No, she was four months pregnant when I started dating her. But I certainly did bathe the baby in sperm!
–Hungarian Pastry Shop, Amsterdam Avenue
Girl: I’m not sure, but we are thinking of putting the baby in the closet; it’s small but we can fit a crib in there and keep the door open.
–12th Street & 3rd Avenue
Teen girl: It was the saddest thing ever. It was almost as sad as watching a baby cough.
–F train
Overheard by: drewseph
Chick: Omigod, I totally want an Asian baby. Asians make the best mixers. Like vodka.
–49th & 10th
Overheard by: Uncle Jimmy
Businessman: Yeah, I had to fire like 8 people one Christmas eve.
Businesslady: Oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha.
–Liberty & Nassau
Overheard by: Erika
Guy #1: Can you think of anyone who, in their prime, was hotter than Jessica Alba is right now?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah, totally. Like, Bridget Bardot, and Apollonia in Purple Rain.
–5th Avenue & 10th Street
Overheard by: Christina Walker
Girl #1: Quick, we have to get that cab!
Girl #2: Omigod I can’t believe we’re running in public!
Girl #1: We’re so homeless!
–10th & Broadway
Girl: When you were talking about Saddam Hussein, it reminded me of Osama bin Laden. Wasn’t he born here or something?
Professor lady: No…
Girl: Then he grew up here?
Professor: No…
College girl: Oh, right! He came here to go to an Ivy League, didn’t he?
–Tisch Hall, West 4th Street
Father: It’s a little boy just like you, except you’re a little girl.
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Broc Morten
Chick #1: I mean, you are like totally naked on a table from the waist down.
Chick #2: Were you totally embarrassed?
Chick #1: Well, it hurts so fucking much that you are like in pain shock, and you can’t even think about whether you are embarrassed or not.
Chick #2: Do you, like, talk to the woman?
Chick #1: What the fuck are you supposed to say? “How do you like my vagina?” And after she rips, she quickly presses down on my vag with her hand, as if that dulls the pain.
Chick #2: Oh, god.
Chick #1: Then she rubs you down in calamine lotion.
–Burrito Box, 9th Avenue
Little boy: Hey, ma! Look how much of this banana I can stick in my mouth!
–Broadway & Canal
Overheard by: A-Rod
