Wednesday Number-Two Liners

Hipster guy: If he would have asked me that in an interview, I would have pulled down my pants and shat on his foot.

–N 5th & Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Tall, distraught man: Great! Now I have to hold off poopin’ for another two hours.

–Penn Station

Sleep-deprived student to friend: There is something wrong with your bowel movements!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Bailey

Booming voice from dark alley: Well, I’ll be dipped in shit!

–2nd Ave, LES

Overheard by: caroline

Man on cell: Don’t go near the elevator. There’s a pile of doo-doo there. I tried to clean it up the best I could, but there’s still some there. Be careful. I don’t want you to smear it.

–Essex St

NYU student to friend: Of course I didn’t poop in the shower… I pooped in the toilet, then put it in the shower!

–8th & Mercer

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, College, Default, Gripes, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, Penn Station, Poop, Strangers, Students, The Village, Time, Violence, Williamsburg

Miss Teen South Carolina’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.

–Broadway & Waverly

Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.

–Outside The Strand

Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!

–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill

Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?

Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…

–Park Row

Overheard by: Passerby

Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!

–Fontana’s

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Fordham, Frat Boys, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Movies, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Stupidity, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, West Village

Think That’s Why He Robbed Us?

Brunette: I felt so bad for that cab driver yesterday.
Redhead: Yeah, I know! He was like, ‘I’ve been here for seven years and I haven’t done anything with my life…’
Brunette: Yeah, I know, and I’m like, ‘Me, too… But I’m rich!’

–Elizabeth & Spring

Overheard by: mark

Posted on October 7, 2007
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Gripes, Lower Manhattan, Money & Class, Public Transportation

Although I Was Wondering about the Helmet

Little girl: I like hitting my head against my daddy’s bottom!
Dad, shocked but chuckling: Oh… Well… Honey… Those conversations are left for at home…
Lady: Yeah, I really didn’t need to hear that.

–Water St

Posted on August 4, 2007
Dads, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Talking/Convos

Freshly Shurikened Pepper, Sir?

Suit #1: When I dine out I like to enjoy my meal — savor the good food and wine — without any distractions.
Suit #2: Oh, alright, but I thought you’d make an exception for ninjas.

–Water & Broad St

Posted on July 27, 2007
Food, Lower Manhattan, Suits

I’ll Be Running Late the Rest of My Life

Suit #1: So, how long did your five-minute meeting last?
Suit #2: A fucking hour.

–John St, between Cliff & Pearl

Posted on June 19, 2007
Jobs & Careers, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Suits

Are You Rude? … Wait, I Know This One…

Guy, about man on Bluetooth ear piece: Man, look at that guy. He’s nuts.
Girl: Oh, geez. He’s just on the phone.
Guy, to Bluetooth man: Are you crazy? She doesn’t think so.

–Near City Hall

Overheard by: Matt

Posted on March 27, 2007
Cell Phone, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Lower Manhattan, Questions, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

You think I’m Projecting a Little Too Much Onto a Latex Doll?

Hipster boy: It’s so weird. It’s like, one day my girlfriend will be in a good mood, and the next day, bad mood. I don’t get it!

–Broadway & Cedar

Posted on October 17, 2006
Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Relationships, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

It Couldn’t Hurt Worse than Hearing you use the Phrase ‘Treasure Trail’

Blonde: You know what I did this morning?
Brunette: What?
Blonde: I plucked out my treasure trail with tweezers. Pain isn’t even the word.
Brunette: What the fuck? Why?
Blonde: It was too short to wax and I was impatient…
Brunette: Ummm…why didn’t you just shave it then?
Blonde: Oh hell no! It’d grow back like the next day! Shit, I’d pluck out my whole crotch if I knew I wouldn’t pass out from the pain!

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mistress Silver

Posted on October 14, 2006
Beauty, Bimbettes, Lower Manhattan

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.

–Battery Park

Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.

–Lindy’s, 7th Ave

Overheard by: joemikehap

Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!

–F train

Overheard by: Braincurve

Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.

–Grand Central

Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.

–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 23, 2006
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Etiquette, Grand Central, History & Geography, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Travel, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Waiters

Lower Manhattan