Hoochie #1: I need to shave.
Hoochie #2: So, you’ll shave when you get back.
Hoochie #1: I can’t.
Hoochie #2: Why not?
Hoochie #1: It’s no-shave Wednesday.
–F train
Hoochie #1: I need to shave.
Hoochie #2: So, you’ll shave when you get back.
Hoochie #1: I can’t.
Hoochie #2: Why not?
Hoochie #1: It’s no-shave Wednesday.
–F train
Skater kid #1: Dude, why did they close the door on your grandma?
Skater kid #2: I don’t know — least she won’t be seen with us.
Skater kid #1: Haha, true.
–Q train
Overheard by: Nicole
Lady: Stop it!
Rambunctious toddler: You shouldn’t even be on this train!
Lady: Why?
Rambunctious toddler: Because I’ll poop in your hair!
Lady: Poop in my hair? I’ll poop in your mouth!
–N train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Steve
Boyfriend: Yeah, we gotta get some oil.
Girlfriend: No, not oil, K-Y.
Boyfriend: Oil, K-Y — it’s the same thing.
Girlfriend: No, K-Y is a gel. It’s water-based. Oil is not.
Boyfriend: Water and oil are, like, the same thing.
–F train
Overheard by: 2WongFu
Ghetto teen #1: He got like a 3.8 or somethin’, and nigga cried.
Ghetto teen #2, to black girl squealing with laughter: You think it’s funny, bitch?
–A train, 168th St
Thugette: You a motherfucker.
Dirty thug: Yeah, I’m a motherfucker! If you’ve got a mother, I’ll fuck her! I’m a motherfucker!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy #1: Why you spoiling a girl who ain’t putting out?
Guy #2: I’m bored.
Guy #1: Read a book, dumbass!
–A train
Overheard by: brian
Thugette #1: Yo, it’s brick out.
Thugette #2: Yeah, and it’s March.
Thugette #1: Yo! It’s almost summer!
Thugette #3: Summer would be good for us!
–Bronx-bound 2 train
Fat Midwestern girl: Is your dad a miner?
Thin European woman: Yes, he is!
Fat Midwestern girl: For how long has he been a miner?
Thin European woman, proudly: Thirty years!
Fat Midwestern girl: He’ll be dead in 10 years.
–Q train
Guy: So, when did you guys get married?
Husband: March.
Wife, at same time: May.
Husband: Uh-oh.
–6 train
