Black street performer guy: I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told you before….I am your father.
Young white boy volunteer: …mommy?
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Amanda
Black street performer guy: I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told you before….I am your father.
Young white boy volunteer: …mommy?
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Amanda
Grandma to crying 5-year-old: Get a job if you want it that badly! Get a damn job! If you were in Russia, you’d be working. If you were in China, you’d be out working in the rice paddies. Goddamn. I’m gonna put you in a sweatshop. This is Grandma’s weekend to find a man. Gonna go up to the Bronx. Gonna hit the BX and find a BK.
–Tompkins Square Park
Husband: The male hybrids seem to want to breed but the females aren’t interested, they just sit there and make no attempt to communicate with their peer group.
Wife: Are you being condescending? I sometimes think….I feel you’re being condescending, especially when you talk about the hybrids….
Daughter starts to cry.
Husband: This is never constructive. We’ll continue this later.
–7th Ave & 9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: I really hope they’re gardeners
Mother: What did you say? He’s a professor of cold-cut studies?
Daughter: No, mom! He’s a professor of Holocaust studies!
–74th & 3rd
Kid: Daddy! Daddy! Can I give you a wedgie?
Father: If you do I won’t feed you for a week
Cashier laughs.
Father: At least he asked this time… Usually he just does it
–Walgreens, Manhattan
Mom taking photos of son: Smile, sweetie.
[click click]
Mom: Smile from within, honey.
[click click]
Mom: Smiling from within means smile like you’re happy on the inside.
[click click]
Mom: Okay, not that much.
–Prospect Park
Skinny white teenage boy, pointing to a T-shirt that says New York Fucking City: Yo mom. I want this shirt in the biggest size they have.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Allisa
Mom on cell with son: Listen, you get home now, you only thirteen and you be fuckin’ all them bitches.
–Herald Square
Guy on cell: No! For the last time, you gotta set it on fire after you put it on his doorstep. [To friend] God, fucking kids these days.
–22nd & 6th
A Design Mom with baby bumps into a Design Woman coming out of Brooklyn Designs Show.
Design woman: Is that your daughter?
Design mom: Yes, it is.
Design woman: Oh my gosh! She’s so…so…geometric!
–Dumbo, outside Brooklyn Designs show
Overheard by: Fair Hooker
Little boy getting out of car, looking down at curb: There’s no rats here, Dad. You can go now, there’s no rats.
Dad: Son, get yo’ lunch bag.
–95th between 3rd & Lex
Hot mom: That’s because older people get yellow teeth. Daddy is eleven years older than Mommy. And Mommy has very white teeth.
Little girl: Why are they yellow then?
Hot mom: Where?
Little girl: At the top.
–1 train
Overheard by: super-c
