Gen X Girl on cell: …yeah, totally. It’s like, last night, I had sex with this guy and the condom broke. And like I’m ovulating. And I like totally can’t remember this guy’s name. Whatever.
–M31 bus
Son: I’m really glad you’re drinking again, you know…just not so much.
–Mon Petit Cafe, UES
Young girl: We can share!
Father: We’ll have to throw away the choking hazard pieces.
Young girl: These? I wanna keep the choking hazard!
–Rite-Aid, Hudson & West 10th
20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.
–Starbucks, West Village
Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies
Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!
–Broadway
Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Mickey
Teen #1: No, like, I feel BAD for ugly babies. It’s not their fault.
Teen #2: I mean, it’s like, oh my God, your little girl is so cute… what, it’s a boy? Oh my God, I am so sorry.
Teen #3: People always thought I was a boy when I was little. It was, like, so weird. Because I was obviously really cute, and I… I still am. Right, ladies?
Teen #1: Um, can you hand me a paper towel?
Teen #2: I have a headache. Ugh. Damn morning-after pill. No ugly babies for me!
–TGI Friday’s, 59th & Lex
Overheard by: not admitting she was in a T.G.I.Fridays
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I’m shopping with my mom, and she’s shopping for dildos!
–8th & University
Father: Having you and your mother in the same room is like having the Communist party.
–Murray Hill
Black guy: Man, niggas got guns. You don’t know what they gonna do.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: couldn’t stop laughing
Hungry guy: Tell him I’m gonna kick his ass! Tell him I’m gonna fuck him up, and tell him to bring food.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Autumn
Mother of the Year: My momma said, “All you gotta do is beat the hell out the biggest one of them, and the rest will fall in line.” And she was right, too.
–23rd & 11th
Woman on cell: She went and married that man who her first husband shot her for goin’ out with.
–Foley Square
Enthusiastic guy: Yeah! Come down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped! Just come on down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped. Yeah! We’ll whip your ass. So just come down to Ditmars. You’ll get your ass whipped.
–N train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Richard Berman
Amateur chiropractor: She told the cops I hit her with a golf club. I didn’t hit that bitch with no golf club. If I hit that bitch with a golf club, her neck would be broken.
–Behind Pathmark, 125th St
Overheard by: wadotron
Happy hobo: Oh man! Oh man! [Hugs friend repeatedly] Now I’m gonna kick your ass!
–G train
Overheard by: greenpoint blank
Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain't gonna be gay!
–14th St & Ave B
Boy, 7: Who’s that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz.
–B48 bus
Little girl: I wish I could have that cookie.
Mother: It’s nice to wish.
–Starbucks, 111th & Broadway
