Kid on subway: Mom! That is a mad big window!
Mom: Honey, that's not proper English. You say “that window is mad big.”

–G Train

Grandma: Baby for sale! Baby for sale!
Dad: Ma, don’t do that!
Grandma: What? They know it’s a joke!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Tina L

Little girl: Mom, can we go in the supermarket? I want honeycombs.
Mom: No.
Little girl: Mom!
Mom: Girl! You make wanna have a cigarette.

–Outside Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre

Overheard by: Glenn T

Guido kid: I wish that dad was here.
Guido kid’s mom: I do too, because the fat fuck owes me a thousand dollars

–Penn Station, NJ Transit

Overheard by: waiting for his 6:14 train

Proud Asian father to friend: And my little one here, he's going to be a football player when he grows up!
Little Asian boy: No way, Jose! I'm gonna be a Power Ranger!

–East Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Frado

Angry drunk yelling at man: Fuck you! Fuck your mother! I hope you die, you piece of shit!
Angry drunk's girlfriend: Will you just calm down?
Angry drunk: No, fuck that! I hope he dies! I hope his mother dies! I'll fucking go back in time and terminate his mother!
Brave stranger: (laughs)
Angry drunk: What the fuck are you laughing at motherfucker?
Brave stranger: Going back in time and terminating his mother.
Angry drunk: Well, okay, that is funny… I like that movie too. (pause) Fuck him, I hope he dies!

–Q Train

Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn't crying, I was twirling my hair.

–Mannes College of Music

Kid: Mom, where you at?
Mom: I’m right here, baby, and it’s not where you at, it’s where you is.

–Crowded store

Overheard by: spamandvikings

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!


Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.


Red-faced toddler in stroller: Nooooo!
Dad: Once more, with feeling!

–82nd & 2nd

Overheard by: Jamie