Four-year-old girl reading tag on the platform: B-A-C-K-F-A-T!
Supportive dad: Yeah, honey! That spells ‘back fat’!

–Ft. Hamilton Pkwy station

Overheard by: howardbannister

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Steven

Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!

–Virgil's, W 44th St

Overheard by: Check, please!

Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."

–6 Train

Overheard by: i mean disrespect

20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad…

–35th St & Lexington

Little boy: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! (points at bus with excitement)
Young dad: Close buddy, close. “Bus.”

–77th & 3rd

Overheard by: Ali

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."

–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

Girl: Like, my grandmother got stabbed with an ice pick by her brother. And then they were estranged for years.

–Bobst Library, Washington Square South

Woman #1: … So his mom taught him.
Woman #2: His mother taught him.
Woman #1: Yeah.
Woman #2: To eat pussy?
Woman #1: Yeah.
Woman #2: That’s disgusting!
Woman #1: He’s really good at it, though.

–D train

College-Bound kid: So I can come home every weekend in October, to work on the haunted house.
Mom: No. You can’t. You have to stay at school for the bonding. You don’t want to miss that first-few-weeks bonding that goes on.
College-Bound kid: I told Ray I’d help with the haunted house. I want to do make-up.
Mom: You can’t! College costs money! Your food costs money! It costs money to come home on the train!
College-Bound kid: Wait–the train costs money?
Mom: Both ways.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Been There

Older black man: How's you mother?
20-something white man: She died in January.
Older black man: I'm very sorry to hear that.
20-something white man: Thanks. She left me her rent-controlled apartment!

–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

Girl to mother: You're being really obvious, mom, and I don't need obvious right now.

–W 242nd St

12-year-old girl: Did you hear what I said about really famous people?
Uninterested mother: No.
12-year-old girl: Well, this will be my first time seeing a really famous person, not just a famous person. Because Full House was important to everyone!

–Mills Theater, before Performance of Bye Bye Birdie