Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

–Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

–34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!

–One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

–60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: J Cox

Posted on January 17, 2022
Astoria, Beastiality, Bimbettes, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

That's Brilliant! Let's Make Out!

Worried girl: I don't know what to do. I just met her, but she texts me non stop. Once I got off the plane, I had a text from her saying: “how's New York?” I didn't respond. It's weird.
Guy: Does she think you're a dyke?
Worried girl: I don't know. I told her my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't know why she'd think that.
Other girl: You should've responded to her text saying something like: “New York is great, I'm just sucking on some guy's dick right now.”

–Meatpacking District

Posted on January 9, 2022
BJs, Breaking Up, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

Someone Get Him a Manpon, STAT!

Woman, 40s: …so I was like, no man can get away with that! I won’t let him get away with that! So I decided to leave him. I took my clothes, my jewelry, and my money, I didn’t need no more than that…are you listening to me? So I packed my bags, took my jewelry, his jewelry, my money, his money, and left $5 on the dresser–leave him broke, right? And then before I left, he was sleeping? And you know, the muscle still works even when he’s sleeping (there’s kids around but y’all know what muscle I’m talking about). So I did what I had to do, right, and then I took the superglue and stuck it right to his stomach. I glued that shit down. I rubbed it all over his hair down there, too. Got him good. Neighbors told me he had to go to the hospital, get that shit surgically removed.

–4 train

Overheard by: Anna

Posted on November 19, 2021
Breaking Up, Crazies, Medicine, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, Sex, Violence, Women

I’m More of a Fourth-Date Girl

Teen girl: It’s just… Even though he was fat, I liked him because of his personality. But once I actually saw his penis, or more like lack of a penis, that was just the last straw. I mean, you can be kinda fat with an awesome personality, but you’ve gotta have a good-sized dick, y’know?
Friend: Wait, you didn’t know he had a small dick until last week?!

–56th & 3rd

Overheard by: samantha

Posted on October 21, 2021
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Questions, Teens, Time

It’s a Universal Recognition Symbol

Guy #1, shouting: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: The Village?
Guy #1: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: Ok… The Village…
Guy #1: So if someone grabs your dick, you know what it means!

–West 4th St Station

Overheard by: DS

Posted on October 11, 2021
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Names, NYC Geography, Penis, Sexuality, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats

Clown Porn: Explained.

Girl: Did you know half the length of a guy's foot is the length of his penis?
Boy, observing inhumanly large feet: In that case, I think you won the lottery.

–Bard High School, Queens

Posted on September 26, 2021
Body Parts, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Height, Penis, Queens

Before Putting Him in a Fresh Diaper and Reading Him a Story

Girl #1: I keep getting urinary tract infections.
Girl #2: Well, maybe he has a dirty penis.
Girl #1: No, I wash it for him in the shower.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Susan

Posted on September 18, 2021
Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Penis, Penn Station, STDs, Weirdness

I'm Just Uncomfortable Face to Face With a Stranger

Hipster girl #1: So basically he put his penis in your vagina, but you're too nervous to go on a date with him?
Hipster girl #2: Yep.
Hipster girl #1: Girl, you're fucked in the head.

–1st Ave & 11th St

Posted on August 15, 2021
Dating, Hipsters, Penis, Psychology, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Technically Speaking, Anything Over Seven Inches Cannot Legally Be Referred to as a ‘Wiener’

Drunk black guy, to white couple: She don’t want your small white cock! She wants a big black cock, nine and a half inches!
White girl: Ewww! I hate black wiener.

–Hall & Myrtle, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Luigi