Rushing dad dragging kid along: Well, most super guys are good guys.
Four-year-old son: No, some super guys are bad.
Rushing dad: What would make a super guy a bad super guy?
Four-year-old son: Well, he might suck. Like, if he couldn’t walk fast…
–Penn Station
Overheard by: klutch
Crazy bag lady: You got any matches, bitch?
Tourist girl: No…
Crazy bad lady: You got a lighter, bitch?
Tourist girl: No, I don’t smoke.
Crazy bad lady: Oh. Then you got any cigarettes, bitch?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: nonsmoker’s friend
Older kid: So, what you been up to, little man?
Five-year-old boy: You know — drinking the beers and dancing with the girls.
–Penn Station
Seven-year-old: Mom? Did you take a picture when Hammie died?
Mother: No, it’s not right to take pictures of dead things…
Seven-year-old: No, I mean when you took the picture, did it stun him and kill him? [Sister chokes and spits out food.]Mother: Yeah, you deserve to choke on that…
–Penn Station
Overheard by: blondie
Intellectual white guy: Happy Cinco de Mayo!
White hipster girl: Thanks! Did I mention I fucked a black guy last night?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: J Dizzle, attorney at large
Conductor: This is the 2:40 local train to Babylon. For those of you who have not passed out, this train makes all local stops. For those of you who have passed out… I’ll see you in Babylon…
–LIRR train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: Bill Reese
Conductor: The next stop is Harlem, 125th. Then we’re off to Grand Central Terminal. Write it down, you passengers, write it down.
–Metro-North
Sarcastic, monotone conductor: This is a D train to Manhattan… apparently. [Later] Woo-hoo. Finally, 36th Street.
–D train
Overheard by: i don’t like that dude
Conductor: This is Carroll Street. If you transfer to the uptown F or G train here, there are less stairs, but there is a nice breeze at Smith and Ninth Street.
–F train
Overheard by: Eileen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held here because the drawbridge is in the open position, and I don’t think I know how to swim.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: mark
Conductor: This train goes straight to Newark-Penn Station. Newark, the pride of the Passaic river!
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: Care
Conductor: For those of you that are interested, Penn Station is next. For those that aren’t, it still is.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Xavier
Blonde #1: Of course there are 50 states. Duh!
Blonde #2: Yeah… Wait, what state is Florida in?
–Penn Station
Tourist on cell: I am looking at a big board that says LIRR. This can’t be Pennsylvania station.
Commuter: Hey, schmuck — LIRR is in Penn Station.
Tourist on cell: Oh, I am in the right place. Someone was nice enough to give me directions.
–Penn Station
Dude #1: Did you talk to Kelly last night?
Dude #2: Yeah — I texted her, and now she won’t talk to me.
Dude #1: What did you text her?
Dude #2: That I wanted to put it in her.
–Penn Station
Eight-year-old black boy: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.
Mom: I told you to stop that!
Eight-year-old black boy, three minutes later: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.
–Restroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Amanda
