Man on cell: I didn’t know it was your baby crying! I thought you were watching some animal show. I wouldn’t have made the comment about the hyena if I knew it was your baby!…Well, yeah, I probably would have…hey, whatever happened to you and ugly-ass Omar?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Krista Gundersen
Girl #1: Oh my God, don’t we know him?
Girl #2: Duh, that’s Crotchman.
Girl #1: Riiight. From that party.
Girl #2: Yeah.
–Penn Station
Suit #1: Have you heard of that guy, Usher?
Suit #2: No, should I have?
Suit #1: You know, he’s one of those guys with the underwear hanging out of the back of their pants.
Suit #2: You know what? If someone doesn’t know what size pants to wear, then I don’t need to know them.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: marissa
Conductor: This is the last train. You have no other options, this is it. Get on this train.
–Metro North Rail
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your feet off the seats on this train. They belong on the floor; that's why it's there. If you can't put your feet on the floor because your luggage is there, don't worry: we took care of that too. Look up. That thing above your head is a luggage rack.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Announcement on NJ transit train: If you have young children, please take them…by the hand when leaving the train.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: JerseyJR
Train conductor: This is 18th Street, if this is your stop…get up! Give up that seat!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Chris K… at 11pm
Amtrak conductor: We are experiencing engine problems and need to change trains. But I want you to know that we have lost no altitude.
–Amtrak Train
Conductor, philosophical about delayed train: We don't usually have this type of delay at this time of day. But, well, here we are… (train starts to move) Aha! Here it is!
–A Train
Overheard by: Katie J
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, do you know where you are? (passengers are silent) I do! Hudson, next stop.
–Amtrak Train, Leaving Penn Station
Girl #1: What’s a Pap smear?
Girl #2: Oh, its like when they shave your vagina and uterus, and they grow it in a test tube.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: pat from the island
Young girl to friend, after cutting in front of her: Ladies first!
Friend: You ain't no lady, you stupid fucking bitch!
Young girl: See, point proven!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: rick
Girl: Those weather websites are so unreliable. They all say different things. The other day, I went to one, and it was like, ‘Partly sunny.’ Okay. Then I went to another, and it was like, ‘Party cloudy.’ They’re all different.
–NYU residence hall, Lafayette St
Overheard by: Rusty V
Guy selling umbrellas: Acid rain in the forecast today. Acid rain all day. Get your umbrellas!
–86th & Lex
Overheard by: Wondering what the umbrellas were made out of
Girl: The rain is the tears of Republicans.
–Hamilton Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: alex
High school chick on cell: The glaciers are gonna melt and the sea is gonna rise, and then you best hope it doesn’t rain… I don’t know, I haven’t read that far yet.
–Spring St
Overheard by: Dan
Suit on cell: It’s raining like a whore!
–Penn Station
Man with bottle of booze in paper bag: Is that a machine gun or a bomb?
Boy with guitar: No, I'm just carrying my guitar.
–Train to Penn Station
Overheard by: Marcy
Preppy girl #1: I don't get it. She looks human.
Preppy girl #2: But she's not.
Preppy girl #1: But she looks human!
Preppy girl #2: But she's not!
Preppy girl #3: I get into your head and make you think I look human, but I'm not, really.
Preppy girl #1: Oh. So what do you guys want for lunch?
–Penn Station
Teen girl: Wow, that’s pretty big.
Teen guy: And it won’t stop growing.
Teen girl: I think you need a doctor.
Teen guy: Oh yeah? What am I supposed to say? “Hey doc, my penis just won’t stop growing”? Yeah, right.
Teen girl: Uh…maybe you shouldn’t say that out loud.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Missy
