Penn Station

Wednesday One-liners Know How to Get Around

Bus driver: The stop after this will be the next one. We should be arriving in a week to ten days.

–M42 bus

Overheard by: Dan Alcalde

Transit cop: I guess I’ll pretend to do something here.

–Queens Plaza station

Conductor: Passengers, please do not use your valuables, or your child, to stop the train doors from closing!

–1 train

Black guy: I got me a ghetto Gold Card, son. It’ll get you on the train, it’ll get you on the bus.

–A train

Overheard by: Timothy C

Loudspeaker: Would anyone that speaks Chinese please report to the Amtrak Information booth in the center of the Terminal? Anyone that speaks Chinese.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: P. Mills

Chick: The cabdriver wouldn’t let us leave the cab unless I showed him
my tits. That is so my away message tomorrow!

–LIRR train

Overheard by: Steve Carbo

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the delay in landing the aircraft, but the air traffic controller here at LaGuardia is an angry, bitter man.

–over LaGuardia

Overheard by: Dana Clair

“…we need to find me a puke bucket. Now.”

Drunk #1: Guys, I got us a taxi!
Drunk #2: Dude, we don’t need a taxi.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bill Atkins

Seems Like Mom’s Eggs Weren’t Quite Grade “A”

Girl: Can I have an egg omelette?
Chef: Um…yes, do you want anything in that?
Girl: Doesn’t it come with stuff in it?
Chef: Yes, what do you want in your omelette?
Girl: Eggs.
Chef: That it?
Girl: Actually, what kind of omelettes besides egg do you have?

–Penn Station

Eat, Drink, Wednesday One-liners

British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.

–27th Street office

Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau

Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.

–82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: JY

Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.

–McDonald’s, 47th Street

Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: tee sul

Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.

–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street

Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cynthia

Overheard in the Headlines: The Train Bridge Fire

Conductor: We’re experiencing some slight delays. There seems to be a power outage in the station. Or on the tracks. Or there might be an Amtrak line down. You should probably get off now and take the PATH. And if you didn’t hear this message the other three times, I’ll be saying it again in 30 seconds.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: gigglechick

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re on Track A, which is normally an eastbound track. We’re waiting for written instructions to depart. They’re probably making copies for us right now. Thank you for your patience.

–Newark Penn Station

Overheard by: gigglechick

Only the Ones Who Are Chic

Chick: In my passport photo, I totally look like a suicidal heroin addict.
Mom: Well, at least that probably means you look thin. Aren’t heroin addicts thin?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Djlindee

Kind of a Monthly Issue with Some Women

Guy: My roommate is such a pain in the ass. It’s always something with her. She never stops complaining about something.
Girl: I know, same thing at my house.
Guy: She gets me so fed up it’s like all i hear now is, “Wah wah, my pussy hurts.”

–Penn Plaza office

Overheard by: Ocera

The Yard: A Classic Staple of Inner City Poverty

Girl: Damn, those headphones are fucking ghetto!
Boy: Shut up, they’re not that bad.
Girl: Um, actually they’re beyond ghetto. They’re…backyard.

–Penn Station

If Only Prada Sold Hysterectomies…

Yuppie chick #1: I had my taxes done on Saturday. I had to pay Federal and State taxes.
Yuppie chick #2: That sucks.
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah. The only thing I can do to stop paying is have a kid or buy something. Maybe I’ll do number 1.
Yuppie chick #2: No way! I’d much rather buy something!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: MattyWaters

I Have a Feeling the Best Part Came Next…

Fat black woman: Hey, watch where you’re going! Say “excuse me” instead of bumping into me like that. Don’t you know how to speak English?
Japanese girl: You need a diet!

–Penn station

Overheard by: JL

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