Middle Eastern-looking yuppie: I would root for Al Qaeda before the Red Sox. [Middle Eastern-looking friends quietly express outrage.] Fine, I would root for the Janjaweed before the Red Sox. Is that better?
–Manhattan-bound 4 train leaving Yankee Stadium station
Overheard by: David H
Cop #1, to hobo: You don’t have a home, but you have a lawyer.
Cop #2: That’s fantastic!
–29th & Lex
White mom: Which kitty is your favorite?
Little girl holding book of baby animals: The black one!
Mom: The black one? He sure is a cute kitty.
Little girl, loudly: Once you go black, you never go back!
Passing thug, flashing her a thumbs-up: Word!
White mom: I don’t care what your father says, we are so moving to Westchester.
–Commodore Barry Park, Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Straightfaced, but barely
Little girl, about hobo wrestling with a bush: Mommy, why is he doing that?
Mother: I don’t know, honey.
Little girl: Maybe he’s the gardener!
Mother: Maybe! Or maybe he’s just fucking crazy.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: tj
Ghetto chick #1: When I have kids I’m going to beat them.
Ghetto chick #2: Yeah, my mama and daddy beat me, and it showed me right.
Ghetto chick #1: Me, too. I came out fine.
Ghetto chick #2: You know what happens when you don’t beat your kids? Columbine.
–Pace University, Spruce St
Overheard by: cleybold
Student: I think social deviance is relative.
Professor: That’s a good theory. Explain it.
Student: Well, if you’re a New Yorker and a stranger goes up to you and says hi, you’d be like, ‘Why the hell are you talking to me?’ But if you’re from California, you’d be like, ‘Oh, hey, this stranger is saying hi to me!’
Professor: That’s because everyone in California is perpetually on crack.
–Sociology, Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Suit with girlfriend to benched hobo: ‘Scuse me — mind if I borrow one of your cigarettes?
Hobo: Well, all I’ve got are these Winstons…
Suit: Beggars can’t be choosers.
Hobo: Yeah, tell me about it.
–Smith & Dean
Overheard by: sb
Punk #1: Do you realize that we only live 80 years?
Punk #2: And we’ve done so much more than most people.
Punk #3: It’s, like, philosophical.
Punk #1: And we don’t get the same opportunity as other people because of the way we look.
Punk #2: That’s discrimination.
–Bathroom, Otto’s Shrunken Head, 14th St
Overheard by: Leon Dekelbaum
Tourist: Tall? That is not a tall coffee — that is small!
Local chick: Well, that’s why they call it ‘tall,’ so you don’t think it’s small.
–Starbucks, Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: murx
Drunk #1: Sometimes life gives you lemons.
Drunk #2: And sometimes you wake up in Weehawken with a four-foot bong on the floor next to you.
–Perdition, 49th & 10th
Overheard by: Argopelter
