Kid: I don’t got no energy for dodgeball.
Speech therapist: You don’t have any energy for dodgeball? There’s always energy for dodgeball. [Kid looks confused.] Trust me, there’s always room for JELL-O, and there is always energy for dodgeball. It’s the law.
–P.S. 31, Queens
Overheard by: Wondering what that session was like
Bar patron dude: No, I don’t think you’re using that right. A ‘moment of clarity’ is a concept from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Bartender chick: But you’re not an alcoholic! So your moment of clarity is when you finally get served booze!
–Library bar, Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: E.Vill. Genius
Smoker #1: I needed to get some fresh air — it is so hot and stuffy in there.
Smoker #2: I know what you mean. I’d quit, but then I would never get any fresh air.
Smoker #1: Right?
–Outside Splash, Chelsea
Overheard by: Will
Drunk chick: Let me tell you a quote from Pluto.
Drunk dude: From Pluto?
Drunk chick: Yes.
Drunk dude: Mickey Mouse’s dog?
Drunk chick: The Greek philosopher!
Drunk dude: That’s Plato!
–Bar, 3rd Ave & 63rd St
Overheard by: All2Often
Teen hippie: I hate the system with a passion. It’s so systematic, I want to kill its children.
Friend: Dude, we are its children.
–Greenwich Village
Chick #1: And they smoked pot like crazy!
Little kid: What’s pot?
Chick #2: Who the hell is talking to you? Go fuck yourself.
Kid runs away crying.
Chick #1: Kids today are terrible. Parents need to start beating their kids again.
Chick #2: Word.
–Tompkins Square Park Playground
Student: I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and maybe you could, like, help me out and clear this up or whatever. So, what about death and stuff?
Philosophy professor: That’s a great segue…
–NYU
Guy #1: I have been thinking some deep shit recently.
Girl #1: Yeah, I mean, me too.
Girl #2: Me too.
Girl #3: Me too.
–Columbia University
Little boy: I didn’t bring my sword!
Father: Why not?
Little boy: It’s not big enough.
Father: Son, size doesn’t matter.
–Medieval Festival, Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: Mikeyg
Hobo: Never give up! Don’t you ever give up!
Teen: But why even try? Everyone loses in the end!
–St. Marks Place
