Woman #1: So I told him, “Nigga, you can’t touch none of this!”
Woman #2: Ha, ha. Girl, what you need is a horse dick!
–125th & Lexington
Overheard by: Johnny Tremain
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
Wednesday One-liners Are Unclean…Unclean!
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
If Youth Only Knew; If Age Only Could
Guy: Your fly is unzipped.
Girl: Oh…
Oldish lady: Easy access, kid! Goodness, you should be fucking already!
–Christopher St
Time to Take a Break from the Studying
Guy #1: I’d totally hit that.
Guy #2: Dude, I’d hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.
–College Walk, Columbia University
Overheard by: King Arthur
Not Even the Women’s Studies Professor Is Safe From Gina and Ashley’s Critique
Student #1: I don’t know why that bitch has such a big ego, she’s fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she’s Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She’s probably getting fucked by some loser.
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: kapnasty
Headline by: Leema
Runners-Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” — LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” — Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” — PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” — john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” — Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” — someday, I could be that loser
That’s More of a Reflection on You
Head waiter: I’m sorry sir, but you can’t smoke in here.
Cigarette guy: I can’t smoke in here? Next thing you’ll tell me I can’t fuck in the bathroom.
–Cipriani’s, 42nd Street
Overheard by: trey constant
…And Potentially Fuck You?
Skater: Come on. Hang out.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Fuck you! You’re a fag! You’d rather hang with your loser friends in this fucking rat hole? I would have fucked you, if you just came to Manhattan but…
Skater: C’mon hang. It’ll be cool.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Oh, fuck this. I’m taking this cab. Have fun sucking your buddy’s cock, asshole!
Skater, after watching her leave: Fucking bitch! (pauses, then asks perfect stranger) Hey, can I buy a cigarette from you?
–12th St & Bedford
But I Still Think Charles Manson Was Framed
Girl #1: But, like, don’t you think you should find out why the person is in jail before you have sex with them?
Girl #2: I guess so.
–Columbia
This Baby, for Instance.
Gay guy #1: Nice shoes!
Gay guy #2: Thanks. I got them by doing sexual favors… just like everything else I own.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Julia
The Hills Are Alive with the Sound Of Wednesday One-Liners
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: “Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet.”
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of “What a Wonderful World”: I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of “We Are All One Body”: “We ain’t with no retards! We man’s chil’ren of the world!” (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: “Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!”
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: “Don’t want to close my eyes, don’t wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
