Lady professor #1: She’s growing up so fast… Before you know it she’ll be smoking cigarettes and having affairs.
Lady professor #2: Which isn’t that bad…
Lady professor #1: Well, I guess you’re right.
–Hunter College
Lady professor #1: She’s growing up so fast… Before you know it she’ll be smoking cigarettes and having affairs.
Lady professor #2: Which isn’t that bad…
Lady professor #1: Well, I guess you’re right.
–Hunter College
Professor: So, the gospel of Luke differs from Mark in its concern about… [Walks across room to look at poster promoting Iraq War protest, studies it for a moment, then returns to podium.] Sorry, I was distracted by the war. [Students laugh.] No, really. The things we’re doing right now are actually really pointless in the world we live in. [Silence.] Okay! Back to pretending my job is important. Anyway…
–NYU
Student: I can’t pronounce your last name.
Professor: Neither can I.
–The New School
Woman who endured rush hour: Wow, what a rush! That was just like Frogger!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Amy D M
Girl watching friend play Frogger: Oh, I remember how to play! You’re supposed to avoid the cars!
–Barcade, Williamsburg
Overheard by: champ
Dude: I’m telling you, I was put on this Earth just to play fuckin’ Tetris.
–W 13th St
Overheard by: Lauren L
Little Dominican boy to classmate: Why you had to tell on me, white boy, version-one-of-Donkey-Kong?!
–PS 8, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Mona
Law student: He’s a good professor, but he doesn’t have that Mortal Kombat instinct. You know — finish him!
–Sammy’s Noodle Shop, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Student: If child predators really wanted to find information about a kid, they don’t even need to use MySpace. All they’d have to do is go to the local public library and open last year’s elementary school year book…
Professor: Or they could just drive by a school and pick some kid up. You know, the old fashioned way.
–Columbia University
Professor: C’mon, people, we’ve all done it. It’s called a hand job. The priestess gave the statue a hand job every morning to keep the world going.
Student: Um, how did she know when the statue finished?
Professor: Well… I guess… when the sun came up.
–Religion and Love class, Hunter College
Overheard by: LH
Professor: So, does anybody know why the ocean is salty?
Bimbette: Isn’t it because of all the whale sperm?
–Oceanography class, Kingsborough Community College, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl
Teacher: Now, this section is about– [walks over to the board, writes ‘Sex’ in large letters, underlining it repeatedly]. This ought to get your attention.
–Brooklyn Tech High
Overheard by: Liz
Sex-ed teacher: Some douches are vinegar solutions. That doesn’t mean I want you to go home, get some vinegar and make a douche of yourself.
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: Kevoo
Professor, as projector screen falls down: Looks like I need some Viagra.
–NYU Silver Center
Lady professor: The naked female body is the most beautiful thing a person can see — even more so than the male body… At least, that’s what I’ve gathered from my personal experience.
–NYU Silver Center
Teacher, about The Odyssey: It keeps saying, ‘Rosy-fingered dawn, rosy-fingered dawn.’ Why does dawn keep coming?!
–LaGuardia High
Teen girl: I love Mr. Mallows*!
Teen boy: Yeah, I know. Dude’s like, ‘I have hemorrhoids’!
–6 train
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
